Is It More Important to Be Kind or to Be Right?

Are there times when it's more important to be kind than right? I remember a scene from a TV show where a kid in the back seat of a car was smugly and proudly correcting his mom about some comment she had made. His dad looked at him in the mirror and softly said, “Sometimes it's better to be kind than right.” That scene has stuck with me. 

As humans, we generally have an innate need to be right. I know I suffer from this. I can remember times arguing about some trivial detail that didn’t matter, but I KNEW I was right, so I couldn’t let it go. “No! That happened 5 years ago, not 3!”

There is a famous story about two people enjoying each other’s company as they take a walk in the woods. It's a lovely day, and they are having a wonderful time. Then they hear a sound, “Quack, quack.” One person comments, “That’s a chicken.” The other person scoffs and says, “No! That’s a duck.” 

The arguing continues until there are tears and hurt feelings. Finally, one of them realizes that the argument is ruining their walk and harming their relationship. They reconsider and say, “I’m sorry. You must be right. That must be a chicken.” Harmony is restored, and they continue their walk. To read a full version of this story, go to

https://medium.com/@steven.urkel/duck-duck-chicken-e218116bb861

Of course, there are times when it is important to correct misinformation to avoid danger or making the wrong decision, but when it really doesn’t matter, can you let it go? Can you be curious instead of critical?  

I've noticed that I have made some progress. The other day, someone defined the word pretentious in a way I had never heard. I could feel the instinct to argue kicking in. But instead, I honestly and openly commented that I was unfamiliar with the way they were using it. Could they tell me more?

It can be very difficult not to argue when we think someone else is wrong or that we know better. It goes against our instinct to be right, but if it can avoid hurt feelings or damaged relationships, isn’t it worth it? Not only will the other person like you more, but you’ll be happier, too!

To browse past positivity tips, visit this page.

Tina Hallis, Ph.D., is a professional speaker and founder of The Positive Edge, a company dedicated to helping individuals and organizations increase their positivity to improve the quality of people’s work lives and the quality of company cultures.