Finding Freedom - When Your Ego Doesn't Need to Be Right

Most of us were never taught how to be wrong. We were taught how to succeed, how to prove, how to justify, how to win. And somewhere along the way, many of us picked up the belief that being right is not just important—it determines our self-worth.

So when someone challenges our viewpoint, we tense. Our minds scramble for evidence. We defend. We explain. We brace.

Not because the issue is truly life-or-death…but because our ego feels threatened. It sets off the "danger" alarm!

But what if being “right” isn’t actually the goal?

What if letting go of the need to be right could make us lighter, calmer, and more free?

When Ego Leads, Curiosity Disappears

When we identify too strongly with our opinions and beliefs, we unconsciously start searching for proof that confirms them. This is confirmation bias, and it keeps us stuck in familiar thinking—even when new perspectives could help us grow.

But when we loosen our grip…

When we stop seeing our viewpoint as who we are…

Something shifts.

We become more open-minded.

Less defensive.

Less tense.

More curious.

Instead of preparing our counterargument, we can actually listen.

We can ask thoughtful questions.

We can consider the possibility that someone else sees something we don’t.

A Calm Ego Has Nothing to Defend

From an IFS perspective, when our internal parts feel safe—when they’re not trying to protect us from embarrassment, judgment, or loss of belonging—we don’t experience disagreement as a threat.

We have nothing to prove.

Nothing to defend.

Nothing to protect.

We can stay grounded, even compassionate, toward the person who sees things differently—even the one who thinks we’re wrong.

Noticing the Moment We Get Hooked

The key is awareness in the moment it happens.

• Can you feel the tension rise in your chest?
• Notice your jaw tighten?
• Hear your tone get sharper?

That’s the moment to pause.

Take one slow breath.

Relax the shoulders.

Turn toward curiosity instead of defense.

Ask yourself quietly:

“What if there’s something here for me to learn, to understand?”

A Gentle Invitation for the Week Ahead

Practice letting curiosity lead.

Practice staying open.

Practice being willing to be wrong.

You may be surprised to discover that your peace was never found in being right—it was found in being free.

To browse (and share!) past positivity tips, visit this page.

Tina Hallis, Ph.D., strives to be a thought-shifter! She is a professional speaker and founder of The Positive Edge, a company dedicated to helping individuals and organizations increase their positivity to improve the quality of people’s work lives and the quality of company cultures.