I last sent a newsletter almost one year from today. In this time I've been working on myself. I can share some of what I've learned in the last year.

We think we want results, but the process is even better.

I'm now more than 10 years beyond 2013 when I started my mini habit of one push-up per day. That small seed has made exercise an integral part of my life. It has been for years now, but it continues to evolve and get easier and more fun.

The biggest benefits of exercise, however, are not the physical and visual changes. While those are nice, before that happens, exercise gives us physical and mental health benefits that are completely invisible and internal. The whole process of exercising makes you feel like a different person in the short-term and long-term. This is so important to recognize for anyone who doesn't already have a strong relationship with exercise and wants to build the habit.

Because the internal benefits of exercise are immediate, that reward helps to reinforce the behavior. But if you're only looking for external evidence of change (as many do), you may grow discouraged and quit before you have a chance to see it. It's a choice of perspective.

You'll know your perspective has changed for the better when you see a fit person and think, "they must feel great" instead of "they look great."

Behaviors are relationships.

This is a primary theme of my upcoming book. We tend to think of behaviors as things we do, but in the last year, my thinking has changed. Behaviors aren't merely something I do, they're something I relate to in a specific way, like a relationship with a person.

Every human relationship you have serves you in some way. Spouses provide love, support, and intimacy. Friends provide advice, encouragement, and fun. The way you treat a person is determined by the relationship you have with them. In the same way, the way you behave is determined by your relationship with that behavior.

Too many people try to change their behavior while keeping the relationship the same. It's forced and doesn't usually work.

What happens when you think about your behaviors as relationships instead of mere actions?

Personally, it has drastically improved my ability to manage them, even the really tricky ones. Focusing on the relationship changes your perspective and approach, and makes every tactic and strategy more successful.

For example, I have successfully changed my relationship with alcohol in the last year. During the pandemic and beyond, I was drinking heavily, and almost every night. It was an abusive, unhealthy, dependent relationship. Like many, I relied on alcohol to numb me.

To address this, I began to cut it out of my life. This was an important step as alcohol impairs judgment and clouds your thinking. For around a year, I didn't have any alcohol in the house. (Note: this is way different than trying to use willpower.) I could only get alcohol if I went out somewhere. This tactic combined with research on how alcohol affects us and rethinking what I want alcohol to mean to me helped reshape the way I see it.

Then: just drink it to feel better and have fun

Now: A dangerous poison that must be respected. Ruinous in large amounts or daily frequency, but can be consumed occasionally in small amounts for pleasure.

This was the baseline change in the relationship. Guess which one resulted in more drinking.

It's like when you catch someone lying to you. The relationship changes. You become more cautious to protect yourself. The same is true for dangerous behaviors or substances. If you can see them for what they are (instead of how they make you feel temporarily), you have a good foundation to change your behavior.

Today, I have alcohol in my home again. But free access to alcohol doesn't mean what it used to mean. I no longer desire to drink daily, and when I do drink, it's in small or moderate amounts. I honestly can't remember the last time I got drunk. For reference, I think I was a problem drinker, not an alcoholic, which may require a more "professional" approach.

Personally, I'm doing the best I've ever done. I practice what I preach in my books! In regards to my career/business, that is in flux. The book I'm working on may be my last one, at least in this genre. We'll see. I have some other interests tugging for my attention, including making a board game or video game.

I wish you and your loved ones a happy and healthy holiday season!

Holiday cheers,

Stephen Guise

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