I realized I am not the only one facing that line of questioning when MC Cabal organized a multimillion-naira comedy show recently just to explain to us why he was single at 40.
A lot of men probably laughed at the jokes without picking up the message he passed. When I listened to him, I realized that the reason I am still single is the reason he was single at 40, too.
The reason I am not married is that I decided I will not marry a woman who does not love me. When a man is ready to marry, they find a woman who loves them or pretends to do so.
If they wanted a woman who would spend their money, the clubs and the streets are filled with them, but most women believe that most men want to get married because they are rich and are looking for a woman to spend it on.
When women are ready to get married, they look for men who can take care of them, not men whom they love. They measure men by what they have and expect them to have it all figured out for them to be ready for marriage.
The idea that men must provide for women has a lot to do with women not loving men. These women give men the task that even God does not dare to undertake. If God provides for them, why would they need a man to do it?
Men who accept the responsibility of singly providing for women would be miserable or dry trying. No adult should provide for another adult – they can only support. Only children should be provided for.
The book in which men are commended to provide for women is outdated and should not be in circulation anymore. It should be well and truly discarded, forgotten, and never to be mentioned among people.
That law, if it were a law, that men must provide for women, was given at an age when women stopped women from working to earn their respect, so unless a man is the one who forbids a woman from working and earning a living for herself, he should not take up the responsibility of providing for her.
While most men pretend they can do it, and some of them have the resources to do it, they end up ruining themselves and their families in the process. It is an outdated model that reduces men to common errand runners in their families, instead of the leaders that they believe themselves to be.
Most women who are unmarried today are in the position they are because they are always looking for men who can take care of them. That should be discouraged at all costs because even if a woman finds a man who can provide for her, her insatiable wants plus her tendency to depend on men for survival mean that she will still not be 100 committed to a man; she will still have her eyes on the street for other men, so that she does not miss out on the man with more resources.
Women cannot love men if they continue to expect them to be their providers, and men should not expect love and fidelity from a woman who sees a man as a provider and expects him to do so. We must rid ourselves of this faulty philosophy and build our lives to order with philosophies that correlate with our reality.
Adults do not provide for each other; that is why they are adults! Adults need support, not to sit down and be provided for; an adult must have something to do, which can be supported by their impending partners.
An adult, regardless of gender, who does nothing to earn a living, does not need a romantic partner. He or she should not even think about marriage unless he or she finds a fitting idiot who loves to accumulate liabilities.
Written by Soul'e Rhymez
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