There is a lot of negativity going on in the U.S. right now. If I allow it, it can easily leave me feeling worried, afraid and angry. This has me thinking about what I can do to counter these negative reactions and reclaim peace and joy.

Perhaps that is its real purpose of these crazy times -- to make us stronger in our mental, emotional and spiritual states.

Below are some thoughts about cultivating joy that came to me during morning meditation.

Joy is not an external commodity to be sought and bought. It is an internal emotion that we can activate through awareness and positive action.

Joy is the emotion we experience when we feel good inside -- a lightness of being, an expansion of the heart, a smile.

Spiritual practice is one way to activate joy. It shift us from worry and fear to peace and contentment.

This joy of the spirit is different from the excited "joy" of an external experience, like a large social occasion (think Oscars), or winning a competition (think Super Bowl). This external joy is short lived and can turn negative in a heartbeat. That is because it arises in the sympathetic nervous system, the system of arousal. Both excitement elation and anger are activated by similar mechanisms.

Spiritual joy arises in the parasympathetic nervous system, the system of peace and calm. It is the quiet joy of being present, connected to others, and at peace.

Many of us have been taught since childhood to behave and think in ways that diminish our joy. We have been taught to worry about the future, complain about the present, and blame the past. We either expect the world to deliver joy and are disappointed, or we assume it won’t deliver to us and feel cheated. Either way we are left unhappy.

The mother of my first husband told him. "It is the things you don't worry about that will go wrong." She cast a horrible spell on him that directed him to worry all the time. No matter how much he worried, however, something would always go wrong. It was impossible for him to worry about everything. Because he believed her words, he attracted much disappointment in his life. The worrying left little room for joy.

At a young age, I decided that the best way to survive was to figure out what others wanted and give it to them. In return I would receive attention and approval. I got very good at this and it worked really well in school. I felt happy and affirmed whenever I was praised or got good grades. This life approach propelled me all the way to my Ph.D.

However, it began to fail when I entered the work world. Maybe there were too many people to please, or some people prefered not to feel pleased, or maybe Spirit was simply trying to wake me up to my folly. I began to worring all the time. Was I was doing the right things. Could I do better? Was I flawed? Should I set my sight lower?

With Adnan's Sufi work and some inspired interventions, I began to change. This change requires awareness and persistence because the conditioning of childhood is largely habitual and unconscious. It will always be a work-in-progress.

Here are some of the things we can all do to increase joy in our life:

1. It begins with self inquiry.

• What activities bring joy?
• Make a list. (e.g. meditation, leading Sufi class, walking, yoga, cooking, painting, knitting, talking to friends, and speaking on podcasts)
• Do one of these activities every day and observe the results.

2. Become aware of thoughts and what you focus on:

  a. Increase awareness of positive events, that elicit a smile

e.g. dogs chasing each other in the dog park, the lovely fragrance of an orchid blossom, or the sun peaking through dark clouds.

b. Reframe negative events into postive events, i.e. change your interpretation:

e.g. Drat! I missed the traffic light because of that slow car! -->

Oh good, I get to pause and take a deep breath!

Darn, I didn't complete all the task on my list today! -->

I took my time, enjoyed each task and discovered something new!

c. STOP COMPLAINING.

It is difficult to stop doing something. Instead replace the action with a counter action. Instead of complaining about how disorganized the Area speech contest was, I can acknowledge that everyone pitched in and we pulled it off. 

3. When stressed, take a pause and breathe deeply. Stress undermines joy.

4. When encountering an obstacle: be curious and ask what you are learning. 

e.g. My knee still hurts from a recent fall. I am learning to be more mindful about how I walk and move, a focus that was rarely required since I learned to walk. It was automatic. Pain reminds me to slowdown, which I need to do. It allows me to notice my surroundings and enjoy them.

5. Find joy in everything I do.

When I slow down and become curious, the task, whatever it is, becomes more interesting and I become more creative.

6. Don't PUSH!

Forcing myself to write when I am tired or uninspired only results in rewriting the same sentences for hours. When I wait for inspiration, writing is easy and joyful.

7. Sufi practice and meditation are, for me, the best way to change negative habits and create more joy. Meditation changes the wiring of the brain. It helps to develop the observer self making it easier to notice negative habits and thoughts.

This Sunday, the United States goes on Daylight Savings Time. That means we Spring forward 1 hour and will be out of synch with Europe for 3 weeks until it Spring forward on March 30th.

Join me on Sunday, March 9 at 8 am PDT (that's an hour earlier for Europe) and

Tuesday, March 11, at 11:30 am PDT (this will be the usual time for those in Europe and 1 hour later for those in North America)

If you do not have the new Zoom link, please send me an email. 

Be brilliant,

Dr. Michelle

Life Transformation Coach

Empowering Women to Reinvent Their Life After Loss

Secrets of Life and Death