Howdy friend,

It's been a while...and there's a reason for that.

It starts and ends with the word HABIT. Everyone's relationship to that word is different. I want to share mine with you because I believe it can help you.

Habits used to rule my life. I started and ended my days with them. Write first thing in the morning and meditate last thing before bed. If I missed a day, I hated myself for it. Sometimes I even punished myself.

Upon reading that last paragraph, you might think it's simply a trade-off. If you want to build good habits and be a productive person, sometimes you need to suffer. I used to believe that.

I thought that if I wanted my books to be great, I had to skip nights out with my friends so I could write in the morning. I sacrificed a lot to get the results I wanted. I did this because I thought I had to.

But that was a choice I was making.

The reality is different. I can get the same results without pushing myself so hard. I can stop doing something for weeks at a time and then pick it back up a month later. And I don't have to view that as a failure.

I try not to form habits anymore. Without fail, every time I form a habit I become a slave to it. I begin to resent it. I'll feel emotionally drained and not want to do it, but still push myself to anyway.

The real trade-off is self-love and self-compassion. If I want to build habits, I have to trade those in when I start. There is none of that in habits.

Instead of building habits, I'm working on building a better relationship to my intuition. It knows when I can rest and when I can push. It teaches me to pay attention to my needs, not the results I have mislabeled as needs.

I don't need to publish one book every year. I don't need to exercise three times a week. I don't need to meditate one hour of every day. I am not a machine that will stop working without those things.

I am a living being that wants to do those things.

And it's because I want to do them that I don't need to force a habit to "keep me going". Instead, I can trust that because I want these things, I will continue to do them until I don't anymore.

Thank you for allowing me to share a part of my journey with you.

Nick

Writing Prompt: What's a habit you have developed because you believe you need to do it? What would it be like if you reframed it as a want instead of a need? What would that look like for you?