Howdy,

Last week I discovered a book that I really wanted to read called Lonesome Dove. I'd just finished reading another work by the same author and everything in me wanted to pick this up.

But something stopped me.

Lonesome Dove is a 960 page book.

I told myself this was too long for me to read. It was going to set me back on my reading goal. I made up all these reasons for why reading it wasn't a rational thing to do.

I picked up and dropped three books before I finally asked myself what was actually stopping me from reading this book and then decided to read it. It wasn't that it was too long or that it was going to set me back. It was a feeling tied to those two ideas: a feeling of shame.

What if by reading this book (by doing the thing I want to do) I fail to complete my reading goal?

I got caught up in "being perfect" and stopped listening to my curiosity.

When we are children, if we're lucky, our curiosity is encouraged. This teaches us to follow a path that will ultimately fulfill us. Unfortunately, most of us aren't encouraged to follow it. Our teachers, our parents, and sometimes even our peers, out of a fear of watching us fail, or a fear of how that will reflect on them, steer us in the direction of the path most traveled.

This was true for me. I had dreams of becoming a writer and professional poker player. When I expressed this to people, they either laughed, or said those weren't professions that would pay the bills.

Catching those internalized voices when I can, even in small ways like with reading this book, is how bigger change happens. My aim is now to always do what I'm curious about, whether or not it makes sense to.

(4/22) Writing Prompt: How did your community respond to your natural curiosity when you were a kid? Have you internalized any of those voices? If so, what's something you want or wanted to do recently that you didn't because those voices convinced you that it didn't make sense to?

Thank you for allowing me to share a part of my journey with you.

Nick