Howdy friend,

What do you think of when you think of the word relapse?

If you're like most people (myself included) you think of what you've seen portrayed in the media.

You think of someone who has failed in their recovery and must now start over.

As someone recovering from a number of things (drugs, sex, codependency, etc.) I can tell you that the truth encompasses much more than that.

Relapses happen when the recovery work that I am doing is...well...working.(and also when people aren't doing any work at all, which is the case most often portrayed in the media).

Think of it this way:

1- I am a child and I experience trauma. I don't have the tools necessary to adequately deal with my experience, so I solve the problem by escaping from it.

2- I grow up and learn that there are other tools to solve the problem, so I decide to learn to use those.

3- Using these newfound tools means feeling the trauma I once escaped from.

4- As with learning any skill, I fail and fail and fail some more until I finally reach a point where I fail infrequently, if ever.

So often I am quick to label my own relapses as failures because by doing this I get to poke holes in the work. If I poke holes in the work I am more inclined to stop doing it.

And if I stop doing the work I believe I am safe again because this is a misery I am familiar with.

Use this, not as an excuse to relapse, but as an excuse to exercise compassion on yourself when you do.

From one sack of meat trying to figure things out to another, thank you for your time today.

Nick

(12/10) Writing Prompt: Look at the last three months of your life. Can you find a time when you "relapsed" (failed)? Simplify the word relapse as: an activity you engaged in that you told yourself you would no longer engage in. Write 500 words exploring reasons why you may have "relapsed".