Friday espresso: Kaya and Butter: The Blend That Makes Coaching Come Alive
May 08, 2026 1:01 am
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Kaya and Butter: The Blend That Makes Coaching Come Alive
Communication is not just a one-way or two-way street. It weaves in all directions, when the blend is right.
Recently, I customised and delivered a session titled:
“Kaya and Butter in Coaching.”
And a common belief is that:
Coaching is about asking powerful questions, the kind that spark that immediate “aha” moment, but when we rely on questions alone, something feels… incomplete.
Because probing without presence can feel mechanical, and listening without direction can feel unanchored. Like kaya without butter, or butter without kaya, something is missing.
WHY This Balance Matters More Than We Think
🎯 Because great questions alone aren’t enough. We often focus on crafting the “right” questions. But when questions are asked without deep listening, they can feel transactional, moving the conversation forward, but not necessarily deeper.
👂 Because listening shapes the quality of the conversation. Listening isn’t just hearing words. It’s noticing pauses, emotions, and what’s left unsaid. Without it, even the best questions can miss what truly matters.
⚖️ Because imbalance limits insight. Too many questions can keep the conversation in the head, analysing, solving, structuring. Too much listening without direction may lead to reflection, but without clarity. Both are needed to create meaningful breakthroughs.
WHAT I’m Beginning to Notice More Clearly
🔍 There is no perfect formula. It’s rarely ever a clean 50/50 balance. Every person, every moment, every conversation asks for something different.
🧠 Over-probing keeps us in “solution mode”. When we ask too many questions, we may unintentionally push for answers instead of allowing insights to emerge naturally.
🌊 Listening without intention can drift. Holding space is important, but without gentle guidance, conversations can circle without reaching deeper understanding.
HOW Can We Create Better Coaching Conversations
🧭 Tune into what the moment needs. Instead of following a fixed structure, stay present. Ask yourself: Does this moment need a question, or does it need space?
🎨 Blend probing with presence. Let your questions come from what you’ve truly heard. When listening informs probing, the conversation feels more natural and connected.
🤝 Focus on creating space, instead of control. Coaching isn’t about leading someone to an answer. It’s about creating an environment where they can arrive at their own clarity, insights, and breakthroughs.
At its core, coaching isn’t just about asking or listening. It’s about the balance between the two.
Like kaya and butter, each brings something essential, but it’s in the blend that something meaningful is created.
Not a perfect ratio, not a fixed method, but a responsive, intentional way of being in conversation.
The goal isn’t creating an “aha” moment, it’s creating a space where that moment can genuinely emerge.
Visit koolily.net for more Leadership, Change and Heart content, take a sneak peak into our Kaya and Butter program on our YouTube Channel here
Leadership is not just about directing people forward, but creating space for clarity, growth, and breakthroughs to emerge. Reach out to explore how we help you to lead change INside OUT as an individual, team, and organization.
Email us at: [email protected]
Contact us: +60 12-773 1692
That’s the espresso, keep the momentum! ☕😌
Stay caffeinated & curious!
Koo Lily
l Founder of mq Training Coaching Consulting l
Leadership Coach l Change Facilitator l Speaker l
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