Hey

Do you know someone who has suffered from mental health issues?

Probably everyone.

This email is hard to write because, like many of you, we have all been in dark places.

Thankfully, if you're reading this, you have managed to escape from that kind of place.

Yesterday, I was made aware that someone who played a massive positive role in my childhood took his own life.

He was a father, a brother, a son, and what I call an extended family member.

This was my uncle's best friend growing up. He and my uncle even lived together during their high school years after my family relocated to the Fraser Valley.

What's worse, his wife had taken her own life 15 years ago. He never managed to recover from it, and he also had a traumatic brain injury while in Mexico.

So let's talk about this.

Men don't suffer in silence; many of us covertly extend an olive branch, asking for help.

This comes in the form of unexpected text messages. Something as simple as, "Hey, let's plan something soon because it might be the last time I can do something," or, "I noticed that you're in Vancouver, hope you're enjoying the Canucks game."

These are called bids for connection. It's a way of asking for help without directly saying, "I NEED HELP."

When the person stops reaching out, that's when the problem has escalated to a dangerous place of apathy.

Sadly, we take words at face value and miss the message completely. This is mostly due to a lack of listening skills and spending too much time in our own world vs understanding the world of someone else.

This is something I am very passionate about because I have felt like nobody in my entire life has truly heard what I have tried to convey to them.

There's a saying I would say the majority of people lack implementing: "Seek to understand before you seek to be understood."

When this happens, people feel heard and seen.

When it doesn't, this is when many of us look for escapisms in the form of pornography, gambling, casual sex, drinking, drugs, over-eating, and the list goes on.

I would say this is due to a fear of not wanting to feel our feelings.

To feel pain and work through it requires courage, and it's a natural part of life that many of us need support with because we are taught that pain is bad.

Pain isn't good or bad; it is just a signal from life that we have attached our own meanings to.

So we require an open and non-judgmental environment.

Many individuals in this position also learn not to talk about their problems because nobody takes the time to convey understanding, so they feel unheard and undervalued.

So inevitably, they spend more than they earn to escape feeling their feelings, but their body doesn't just forget.

Eventually, debts get so high, and they can't see a way out, that the only rational thought that crosses their mind is, "I am worth more dead than I am alive."

That's what happened here, and it's exactly the problem I am trying to fix because I know exactly what it feels like to be in a pit of hell like that.

Many men feel like they have nobody to turn to, but as a father, I know I have a responsibility to be there for my son to turn to. That's the only thing that kept me alive during the darkest days of my life.

The truth is, being physically and financially fit is really important, but nothing is as important as developing REAL MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS.

Your vibe attracts your tribe. That's why it's important to focus on self-improvement and personal growth. All while operating from your values.

It's why I also teach people to invest in things that align with their values because it also adds more meaning and purpose in their lives.

The more things you have to live for, the more things you can be grateful for and the more open you can be to receiving from the world.

But it all starts with you.

Thank you for reading,

Coach Monty.

P.S. - I know everyone has shit going on, but if you're interested in helping with this mission, then let's talk about how we can collaborate.

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