Schlumpf got scared of the thunder and lightning yesterday, and jumped up into Mummy's arms. He may act all macho but inside, he's a sensitive little soul.

R.I.P. Queen Elizabeth II. God save the King, Charles III.

"Yo, I'm in a wild party mood. I can't stop dancing and losing control. Got any alcohol?"

I laughed out loud when I found this picture on my Yelp account. I was experimenting with Photoshop many years ago, and I stuck my head onto someone tossing the caber at a Highland show. Obviously, it's not a great Photoshop job — you can see my head has been plastered on. But it's not bad either!

@schlumpfoneill is all officially registered as a dog in @markt_rimpar . I think it's pretty outrageous that dog owners in Germany are taxed for simply owning a dog. How many people are discouraged from giving a dog a loving home because of the annual dog tax payment? It would be OK if the money actually went to making and maintaining dog facilities in the area, but from my perspective, it just seems to be a money grab by councils.

Schlumpf came home from his walk looking pretty pleased with himself. He had barked at several dogs and caused chaos in the neighborhood. According to him, he felt compelled to assert his authority. That St Bernard had it coming!

Get well soon @salman.rushdie . We're all rooting for you. #freedomofspeech #freedomofspeechisahumanright #salmanrushdie #billmaher #freedomofexpression #writersrights #quotes

I blame Brexit. The Brits clearly need something to cheer themselves up. #twitter #tweets #wtfisthis #unitedkingdom #britain #repressedbrits #hornybrits #greatbritain #greatbritain🇬🇧 #britishhumour

After a week of getting stressed out with the change in living circumstances, Schlumpf finally says "fuck it!" and chills out in bed.

Seen in @hornbach_de building market in Würzburg. A meercat shower curtain. We're really aiming to be classy in our new digs.