Self-awareness.

Self-awareness, by its 'literal meaning, is a conscious knowledge of one's own character and feelings"

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To some, the very idea of becoming self-aware may sound philosophical, and for some people, a strong resistance may come forth for no apparent reason.

Experiencing discomfort is a regular feature of this work when we, for a change, instead of others, choose ourselves and work on our "self"!

In the words of Tasha Eurich, the meta skill of the 21st Century is Self-Awareness.

However,

Not only are people unaware of this important fact, but very few understand the subtle, hidden impact it has on our lives and work.

The Gullible Unaware Mr C.

Let me share with you today a very interesting case of Mr C, which can explain the need for self-awareness and its impact when we lack it.

Mr C worked as project lead at a tech firm, married but had no children, and never paid much attention to the need of progeny many long for, and then his younger brother succumbed to a deadly disease, leaving behind his children in Mr C's care.

Given the tragic situation, Mr C was very considerate about his brother's children and took them under his care, leaving no room for any carelessness. He took utmost care to be a good guardian.

But being a methodical person with a slight temper, he would often impose discipline on the kids. He believed that the growing years in children are the best time to imbibe all the values, and therefore, at times, he went a step further in his approach to ensure his nephews learn discipline, sometimes even at the expense of their freedom and happiness.

While he always thought to himself that he had adopted the best ways to raise the nephews and that they would one day become the gentlemen he himself was.

Many years passed by, and the nephews no longer remained children; they all grew up into young adults, brash, arrogant and headstrong. There was no element or trace of discipline that Mr C envisioned in them; on the contrary, they grew the complete opposite of his dream vision.

And later, when the young boys had the opportunity to leave him behind, on the pretext of job opportunities, they just flew away one by one, with no plans to return.

Today, Mr. C, now as a Senior Lead, is enmeshed in an inner chatter, —where did I go wrong, He would often think, what he did was with all considerations and good intentions, yet what he gained was a bunch of nephews who were waiting to leave him behind at the next possible opportunity they got, and he was left again all alone to live by himself.

His frustrations and grief manifested in his work and towards his team and peer group.

He would lash out at his team members, turning into a control freak, whenever he sensed they were disobedient, even though all they did was share their perspective!

He became a control freak and had trust issues with everyone, including his peers and team members.

Next time you find a grumpy senior lead who may want to always stay in control and is authoritative, instead of reacting to his unrealistic temper, try to be kind.

Nothing is more potent than a kind response, for the most angry and anxious people, you may often find beneath a broken individual with unprocessed grief.

Journey of Self;

My first conversation with Mr C was very emotional for both of us. I was moved by his naivety and blind spots, which kept him unaware of himself, and, as a result, his decisions and actions were most often mired in unawareness, while he continued to journey in the dark.

The most common issues we explored together were as follows:

1. His attempt to discipline the Nephews without paying any attention to their age and temperament gained more friction and distance with them (category: low self-awareness )

2. His own temper, high pitch, and anger made a villain out of him, not just for his nephews, but also to his friends and community. His disciplinary approach was a platform to vent out his frustration piled up due to the lonely life he had been living. (category: blind spots)

3. At times, he even failed to understand how his low tolerance level and constant correction irked others (category: blind spots)

Present day Today

This is Mr C for you —now in a much better space, as he continues to explore and learn more about himself in his coaching sessions with me.

There are more intrinsic details to this case; what I shared is just one tiny part of a highly complex case. My intent here is to bring to you, my readers, the web we often may get caught in, and most of what stems from lack of self-awareness and its direct impact on our WORK!

And that working on self-awareness may sound trivial, but an absence of this key quality can hamper one's personal and professional growth to a very large extent, even impacting those around us, from our driver to our spouse!

Here are a few tips, in case you need to start being more self-aware.

1. Once a week, set aside time to reflect, when you find yourself often in a "reactive" mode rather than responding
2. When you are constantly getting feedback on a particular topic, behaviour, approach or attitude, especially from your close loved ones, friends and well-wishers, pay attention, think over it. Don't ignore.
3. Practice being mindful of your feelings and emotions, and it begins with asking a simple question — "Why?" I feel the way I feel.

Self-awareness is a lifelong process; however, one can take this work at significant milestones in life to ensure we don't just live and pass away, but are more aware of ourselves and our emotions, feelings, and behaviours, helping us live a more meaningful life.

Happy Reading, and have a great time ahead

If you find your work is making no progress, and the issue is buried deep inside the personal side, very similar to what Mr C was undergoing, connect with me here ,

Let's together find clarity and direction.

Warmly,

Mehnaz Amjad.

PS: Learn more about my work and what's in it for you here