Dear ,

Let me tell you about a conversation I had with a 14-year-old:

Her: "My mom says I have to hug Uncle at family gatherings. But he makes me really uncomfortable."

Me: "Have you told your mom how you feel?"

Her: "Yeah. She said I'm being disrespectful and I need to show proper respect to elders."

Me: "What does Uncle do that makes you uncomfortable?"

Her: "He hugs too long. He comments on my body. He asks about whether I have a boyfriend in this weird way. But Mom says I'm reading too much into it and being too sensitive."

This is happening in countless homes. Right now.

Children are being taught that "respect" means accepting ANY behavior from ANY relative, no matter how uncomfortable, inappropriate, or harmful.

And we wonder why predators thrive in families.

Here's what children actually need to learn:

Respect is mutual—it goes both ways. Body autonomy isn't negotiable, even with family. Uncomfortable feelings are important information, not character flaws. Protecting yourself isn't disrespectful—it's necessary. True elders earn respect through behavior, not just through age.

But here's what we're actually teaching them when we force compliance with toxic relatives:

Your comfort doesn't matter. Adults' feelings are more important than your safety. Speaking up about harm will get YOU in trouble. Family can hurt you and you have to just take it.

Your assignment this week:

Tell your child explicitly: "You never have to hug, kiss, or touch anyone you don't want to—including family." Watch which relatives get angry about this boundary. Those are exactly the people your child needs protection from.

Because relatives who respect your child won't be offended by your child having bodily autonomy.

But relatives who are crossing boundaries? They'll be furious that you're teaching your child they have the right to say no.

Pay attention to who gets angry when your child has boundaries. That's all the information you need.

Standing firm,

Latifah Ajetunmobi.

P.S. "But what will the family think?" is a question that prioritizes relatives' comfort over your child's safety. Every. Single. Time. Is that really the trade you want to make?