Dear ,

Let me tell you what's really happening when your child suddenly develops physical symptoms every time you mention visiting relatives:

They're not being dramatic. They're not trying to get out of obligations. They're not being "too sensitive."

They're telling you they don't feel safe.

And before you say, "But they're safe; nothing bad has actually happened," let me stop you there.

If your child feels unsafe, they ARE unsafe. Period.

Children's nervous systems don't lie. That stomachache, that headache, that sudden need to use the bathroom, that convenient homework crisis—these are your child's body screaming what they might not have words for: I don't want to be around these people.

The question isn't "Why is my child being difficult about family time?"

The question is, "Why doesn't my child feel safe with people who are supposed to love them?"

Maybe it's the uncle whose jokes always seem to land on your child. Maybe it's the aunt who constantly compares them to cousins. Maybe it's the grandmother who gives gifts to some grandkids but not others. Maybe it's something they haven't told you yet because they're afraid you won't believe them—or worse, that you'll make them deal with it anyway "because family."

Here's what I need you to understand:

Every time you override your child's discomfort to maintain family peace, you teach them that:

• Other people's comfort matters more than their safety
• Speaking up about harm won't help
• Family means tolerating mistreatment
• Their instincts can't be trusted

Is that really what you want to teach?

This week's task:

Talk to your child. Not a lecture about respecting elders or family obligations. A real conversation where you LISTEN.

Ask, "Is there anyone in the family you feel uncomfortable around?" And then this is the hard part—believe what they tell you. Don't minimize it. Don't explain it away. Don't make excuses.

Just believe them.

Because your child's sense of safety is worth more than any relative's right to access them.

With conviction,

Latifah Ajetunmobi

P.S. If you're thinking, "But what will the family say if we don't attend gatherings?" —Remember that your child isn't asking what the family will say. They're hoping you'll finally choose them over the family's opinion. Which will it be?