Dear ,

Someone in your family has probably said this to you:

"You're making your children lose their culture."

And maybe you believed them for a moment. Maybe you felt guilty. Maybe you questioned whether protecting your kids means they'll grow up disconnected from their heritage.

Let me be crystal clear: That's manipulation.

Your children are not losing their culture because you refuse to expose them to toxic relatives.

They're not losing their heritage because you won't participate in harmful traditions.

They're not becoming "too Western" because you teach them they have value and voice.

Here's what's actually happening:

You're giving them the BEST parts of your culture—the language, the food, the stories, the values that actually matter.

You're just refusing to package abuse with those gifts.

And that's not cultural loss. That's cultural evolution.

Think about it:

Your ancestors modified traditions all the time. They adapted to new circumstances. They kept what worked and changed what didn't.

You're doing exactly the same thing. You're just being intentional about it instead of doing it by accident.

Here's what your children are getting:

✓ Language that connects them to family history

✓ Food that tastes like home

✓ Stories that explain where they come from

✓ Values that strengthen them

✓ Celebrations that bring joy

✓ Identity they can be proud of

Here's what they're NOT getting:

✗ Trauma disguised as tradition

✗ Toxic relatives with unlimited access

✗ Practices that demean or harm

✗ Silence around abuse

✗ Guilt for having boundaries

And that's not a loss. That's protection.

This week's question:

Make two lists:

1. Cultural practices that genuinely enrich your family's life
2. "Traditions" that primarily serve toxic people or cause harm

Keep list one. Actively reject list two.

And when someone accuses you of betraying your culture, remember:

You're not betraying your culture. You're improving it.

That's not cultural loss. That's generational healing.

With cultural pride AND protection,

Latifah Ajetunmobi

P.S. The people most upset about you rejecting harmful traditions are usually the ones who benefit from them. Notice that. Their discomfort with your boundaries tells you everything you need to know about why those boundaries are necessary.