Dear ,

Quick question: If someone told you there was a "tradition" of putting your hand on a hot stove, would you do it?

Of course not. That's ridiculous.

So why do we accept harmful family practices just because they're labeled "traditional"?

This week, I want you to think about something: Not all traditions deserve to be passed down.

Some practices were created in different times for different circumstances. Some were designed by people with power to maintain that power. Some were simply wrong from the start but went unchallenged for so long they became normalized.

The hard truth:

If you're a widow reading this, you already know what I'm talking about. The way some relatives appeared after your husband's death, not to support you, but to "manage" things. The rituals you were pressured into. The financial decisions were made without your input. The way your children were made to feel like charity cases in their own family.

If you're a mother watching your child being mistreated by relatives, you know too. The comments that are "just jokes." The touches that are "just affection." The comparisons are "just motivation." The exploitation that's "just how family works."

And if you're that child or teenager, now an adult, you remember. You remember exactly why you moved far away. Why you don't call. Why you chose peace over blood.

Here's what I need you to hear:

Protecting your child from harmful cultural practices doesn't make you a bad member of your community. It makes you a good parent.

Choosing not to expose your children to relatives who abuse them doesn't mean you don't value family. It means you value the RIGHT kind of family.

Refusing to participate in traditions that demean or harm you doesn't mean you're "too Western" or "have forgotten your roots." It means you understand the difference between cultural heritage and cultural harm.

This week's challenge:

Write down three "traditions" or family expectations that make you uncomfortable. Ask yourself honestly: Am I continuing this because it serves my family, or because I'm afraid of the conflict that would come from stopping?

That answer will tell you everything you need to know.

With clarity,

Latifah Ajetunmobi

P.S. Someone reading this needs to hear: The relatives who say you're "breaking up the family" by setting boundaries are the same ones who are fine with the family being broken by abuse. Their comfort is not more important than your child's safety.