Are you tired of being tired?

It's okay to admit you feel run down and maybe even a lil' overwhelmed. I was talking with the women in my stepmom small group just today. It's not surprising so many of you are struggling in your role because you were "told" it would get easier. Yet, the reverse seems true. For many of you, life has gotten harder.

YOU are not alone!

In honor of March Madness, I thought I'd address some Stepmom Madness and share 16 tips to help you!

Yes, here are sixteen sweet truths &tips for stepmoms who seek to join the inner circle of reframing stepmoms to find peace even in the pieces:

1. You are Enough: Your worth is NOT determined by whether your stepkids recognize your efforts. You are worthy by the One who created you!
2. Stepkids Decide the Relationship: Building relationships takes time, especially in blended families. Be patient with yourself, your stepchildren, and the process. Remember, the stepchild decides the pace and the depth of the relationship with their stepparent. No overriding this truth. If the stepchild keeps you at arms length, that's where you'll stay. Do for them for the sake of doing and with no expectation that they will finally see and appreciate your heart.
3. Boundaries Matter: Establishing healthy boundaries is essential for maintaining your well-being and preserving harmony within your head and heart. You cannot control what another says or does but you CAN decide your response. It's godly and kind to set reasonable boundaries. (Struggling, I can teach you how).
4. Self-Care is Non-Negotiable: Take time for yourself regularly to recharge and rejuvenate. Self-care isn't selfish; it's necessary. Remember, couple-care and self-care are different. Make time for self-care AND make time for couple-care. Pour into the reason you are a stepmom - your spouse.
5. Prioritize Communication: Open and honest communication is important in your marital relationship. Keep the lines of communication with your spouse and stepchildren clear and respectful. If they won't communicate with you, recognize that is on them and not you. If another escalates when you bring up a topic, that is a red flag to stop your part - however, it's not healthy to fear speaking. It's important to learn ways to navigate this so you can share your heart, needs and advocate for you.
6. Empathy Builds Bridges: Put yourself in your stepchildren's shoes and try to understand their perspective. Empathy fosters connection and strengthens bonds.
7. Celebrate Small Victories: Acknowledge and celebrate the small moments of joy and progress in your stepfamily journey. Every step forward is worth celebrating. Celebrate when you don't engage. Celebrate when you can reply "I hear you" and enjoy the peace of not engaging.
8. Flexibility is Key: Plans may change, emotions may fluctuate, and challenges may arise unexpectedly. Stay flexible and adaptable in navigating the twists and turns of stepfamily life. I like to say "plot twist."
9. Choose Love Over Resentment: When faced with difficulties or conflicts, choose love over resentment. Let go of grudges and approach challenges with a loving and compassionate heart.
10. Seek Support When Needed: Don't hesitate to reach out for support when you need it. Whether it's from friends, family, or a support group, having a support system in place can make all the difference. Remember, DNA doesn't make a person safe. Seek to connect with emotionally healthy people. You do not owe anyone information and please choose not to gossip.
11. Find Joy in the Everyday: Look for the beauty and joy in the ordinary moments of family life. Treasure the small gestures of love and connection that make each day special. It really is the little things.
12. Embrace Imperfection: Embrace the messiness and imperfection of family life. It's okay to have bad days and make mistakes; what matters is how you respond and grow from them. Apologize with no excuses. Model what accountability looks like.
13. Stay True to Yourself: Don't lose sight of who you are as an individual amidst your role as a stepmom. Stay true to your values, interests, and passions.
14. Forgive and Let Go: Holding onto resentment and bitterness only weighs you down. Practice forgiveness, both towards others and yourself, and let go of past hurts. Then see 3. above and set boundaries.
15. Create Rituals and Traditions: Establishing family rituals and traditions helps foster a sense of belonging and unity within your stepfamily. Find activities and rituals that bring you closer together but do so without the expectation that people will participate or it will draw closer. Offer as an option and give the kids the choice.
16. Remember, You Are Loved: Even on the toughest days, remember that you are loved and valued. Remember your worth is not defined by the stepkids, the ex or even your spouse.

These sweet truths and tips are meant to remind you that you are capable, resilient, and deserving of love and peace in your blended family journey. And what love and peace look like is going to look different for each of you.

You can't make the stepkids "love" you and you can't make the ex or your spouse see your heart but you can choose what you hold onto and therefore what holds onto you!

If you are struggling, let me tell you that you don't have to. I want you to pick three truths/tips above that seem like you could never do and schedule a call. Let me walk you through what it could like for you and share resources to help you untangle your emotions from the words and actions of others who are hurting and choosing not to accept you.

I am here for YOU! Check out the resources below and respond to this email if you want to be the first to know when doors open for the next Art of Reframing for Stepmoms small group! You belong.

Look forward to hearing from you!

Blessings,

Heather Hetchler, MA

Reframing Expert I Stepmom Coach

www.ReframingRelationships.com

Want to jump into more help? Here are just a few of the ways I can help you:

Grab this MUST HAVE micro course - How to Sit With Your Feelings: https://reframingrelationships.com/microcourse

Grab 10 Habits of Emotionally Healthy Stepmoms: https://reframingrelationships.com/store-copy this online course is your go-to for identifying and developing healthy habits