A day without any to-dos.
Oct 13, 2020 7:04 pm
Yesterday was a pretty rough day for me. Over the past 8+ years, I've had a lot of pretty rough days and a lot of very rough days thanks to three concussions and a neck injury. It's taken a lot of time and a lot of hard work, but thankfully the rough days no longer hold a majority stake in my life and when they do happen they're not nearly as bad as they used to be.
But they still happen. And I'm still trying to find the balance between pushing through them and taking everything off my plate so I can just exist. This is a constant struggle but I'm getting better at discerning which to do when. Yesterday's choice of a write-off, however, was about as obvious as they come.
And it helped. A lot. Now don't get me wrong, the day still sucked and the choice didn't take away the mild depression I was experiencing, but allowing myself to just exist and not have to do anything prevented things from getting worse (I have a lot of experience at making things worse).
On days like yesterday, by giving myself grace, I am better able to bounce back instead of falling down the slippery slope of failed expectations and self-hatred. I am able to remain where I'm at instead of plunging into a downward spiral.
At the end of every day, I write down one thing that I want to get done the next day. When I sat down to do this last night, I knew I wanted to write an email newsletter but I didn't know how I'd feel today or what I would be able to cope with, so my to-do list for today simply reads "You are enough." This is a tactic I've used a couple of times now on the really bad days and it has been so helpful and freeing.
Last night I turned off the alarm that was set for this morning which resulted in not getting out of bed until 12:30 pm today. I woke up still feeling down but much less so than yesterday and much more equipped to handle today.
Coincidentally, I was still able to write this newsletter. I don't know what I'll do with the rest of my day, but that's okay.
Because I am enough.
And so are you.