#216 – How will obsessing with safety keep you stuck?

A safety-first approach rooted in preventing risks and managing expectations – that's exactly the Ego's job description.

To achieve its only goal – that you don't die –, it recruits a diverse cohort of 12Ghosts, whose performance it measures against how well they manage to keep you stuck, small, and afraid.

The Ego's obsession with safety is the reason why sometimes you may feel unsafe in circumstances that in no way put you in danger.

When I taught Public Speaking at the Borough of Manhattan Community College (part of the City University of New York system), I had to remind my students that there's no such thing as "death by presentation." They laughed but secretly felt relieved – they did believe their nervousness when speaking in front of an audience could kill them.

Since closing down my business to pursue writing as a full-time career, I've felt the pull to safety. I sometimes find myself climbing up the metaphorical walls, raking my head about how I'll be able to make enough money to pay for... well, life.

This is what I found myself writing about in my Morning Pages a few days ago. Until I realized it was my Ego moving the pen across the lined pages, scribbling, "I want money, I want money, I want money."

The repetition struck me – insistence is a trait of the Ego.

So, with curiosity, I asked, "What do you want money for?" After asking "and what do you want that for" a few times after the first reply, I landed on,

"Because I want to feel safe."

Ah, there – it was the Ego speaking.

If I followed its advice and made it a priority to get the money it was asking for, then:

• Shutting down my business and cutting ties with two sources of income (little and unstable income in exchange for a strong personal commitment and adjacent busyness) was a mistake
• Pursuing writing as a full-time career was a reckless, irresponsible decision
• Not applying to any and every job I came across on indeed was careless

And if I believed those criticisms, then I had to believe I was reckless, irresponsible, and careless. To return to the fold, I'd need to set making money – hence feeling safe – my only priority.

But if I did that, I'd be back to square one: I wouldn't be true to my Self and thus, not fully alive.

Where do you need to drop the need for safety?

Love,

Carolina