#249 – Care: when is it Ego-triggered and when True-Self-inspired?

Caring is supposed to be a "good" thing. But it doesn't always come from the right place. And when it doesn't, it only makes our lives more difficult.

I'm not advocating for full-blown apathy, but toning down our "caring" can bring us internal peace.

When is 'I don't care' the way to go?

Last week, I tried to help a customer receive a reward for her purchase. I was eager to help – I cared. The system wasn't working, so we exchanged phone numbers to complete the process later.

Once the system was up and running, I found out she wasn't eligible for the reward – my mistake!

I was overcome with anxiety: how can I solve this problem for her? I even thought of paying out of my own pocket. I "cared."

Then I noticed the anxiety: it was the telltale. Wait a minute, I thought, the True Self doesn't have anxiety – what's going on here?

Many things:

• Did I overstep my role, promising something I couldn't deliver?
• If my supervisors found out, what would they think of me?
• Would the customer be mad at me, thus not like me, thus reject the brand, thus return the machine... thus, make me lose the sale?

Aha! My "caring" was self-serving: I was caring for ME, not for her!

Another time, an elderly lady wanted to climb down the escalator. She carried a big bag and her purse, and hesitated to hold the handrail.

Without thinking, I walked up to her and offered to take her downstairs. Her face lit up with gratitude. I grabbed her big bag, held her hand, and down we went. She seemed relieved.

There was nothing in it for me: I was caring for HER.

When Ego-triggered, caring brings up:

• Anxiety/nervousness/impatience
• Feeling of obligation
• Need to prove we're not "bad" (guess which ghost is responsible?)
• Sense of "should"
• Pride when we do, shame when we don't

When True-Self-inspired, caring is:

• Spontaneous
• An act of pure connection
• Truly selfless (we care even when no one notices, expecting nothing in return)

When did you recognize your Ego behind an act of care, and how did letting go of it free you up?

Love,

Carolina