#313 – Who would you be with firmer boundaries?

I've heard people complain about others not respecting their boundaries, but were those 'others' truly overstepping, or were the boundaries not firm enough?

Once I got my first computer, I sold my electrical typewriter. Two men showed up. I named my price, they talked me down, and I smiled. They left happy with the machine at their price.

When my husband shut down his recording studio, he sold the equipment. I watched him, unswayed by potential buyers begging for discounts. He didn't get one less penny than his asking price.

Despite admiring his firmness, acknowledging that it was what got him the desired result, I cringed.

I found his immovability seemed unfriendly. Whereas my buyers left with a grin, happy as clams with their machine, his buyers groaned.

Yes, he got what he wanted and I didn't. But to me, being friendly and pleasing others was everything.

Rather, to my Ghost of Undervaluing and Undercharging (GoUaU). It entailed:

• Tolerating low pay
• Not saying no to things you don't want to do
• Being overly accommodating so that others admire your flexibility
• Downgrading your income goals because "no one's going to pay you what you really want (and need)"
• Downgrading your employment aspirations because "who do you think you are?"

I need firm boundaries to protect me from being swayed by my GoUaU, not to protect me from others.

Like bright lines, firm boundaries prevent me from negotiating with the part of myself that would settle for less because it fears being shunned.

Firm boundaries prevent self-sabotage.

Which firm boundaries that felt too stringent led you to your desired outcome?

Love,

Carolina