#256 – What does you True Self aspire to?

I thought I wanted a writing job. Now that I have one, it doesn't feel as desirable as it did before.

Not because I no longer love to write – I do. But because this job feels like I'm in a writing sweatshop. I churn out texts of dubious creative depth while on the clock, each expected to be finalized in a maximum of 25 minutes. The consequence is a brain full with what I can only describe as "junk," useless chatter that I didn't create.

So, here I come face to face with what "aspiration" means for my Ego and my True Self.

For my Ego, it's the job title, the weekly pay, the company name (it's confidential, so don't ask me).

For my True Self, all that is irrelevant. It only cares about expressing its unique worldview. About thinking deeply with creativity about things that matter to it. About developing a world and inviting others in.

And not only I'm not doing that on this job, it's so mentally taxing that I don't have space in my mind to develop anything – because writing requires patience and an empty mind.

The feeling reminded me of my first full-time job in New York, at the global communication consulting firm.

Back then, I thought that all that mattered was the six-figure salary, the sleek business card, and the office on Fifth Avenue. That any tinge of dissatisfaction would be erased by the tangible perks – it wasn't.

The difference is that now, I'm aware that this isn't the kind of writing job I want but I still can do it, because I know why I do it – rent, food, etcetera.

Because I don't fool myself into thinking that I can realize my True Self with it, I'm not disappointed or sad – just tired.

How did you learn to distinguish your Ego's aspirations from your True Self's desire to self-realize?

Love,

Carolina