#71 – What makes us unhappy?

When I'm walking on the streets of South Beach and a big truck fails to stop at the zebra crossing because the driver's on their phone or looking the other way, I become unhappy. Frustrated. Sometimes irate, wanting to shake my fist at them.

But is their non stopping what makes me unhappy?

No. It's what I think about their non stopping what does.

In other words, it's not the world (including ourselves) that makes us unhappy but our judgement of the world (including of ourselves).

Think about it. See yourself in whatever circumstances that may make you feel miserable:

• walking under the summer sun at midday with 89% humidity
• tossing and turning in the middle night, your mind as busy as Newark airport on Thanksgiving
• a potential customer walking away without buying
• sitting in traffic knowing that the meeting with the board starts in two minutes
• waiting for your food in a beach restaurant in Portugal, after you've devoured all the bread, the butter, the cheese, the olives, and even the sardine paste

You may think: well, no, it's the heat; or the sleeplessness; or the loss of the sale; or the tardiness; or the hunger.

It's not.

At least for me, I see that now, the unhappiness comes from how I assess myself in each circumstance, and how this assessment makes me feel:

• sorry for myself for having to endure the heat–why me?
• worried that my brain will be foggier, my forehead more wrinkled, and my eyes even more misaligned–will I be able to function? Will I look older?
• incompetent–will I ever make money?
• afraid that I may get fired–will I end up a bag-lady?
• trapped and unjustly treated by the "touristic-food industrial complex"–why wasn't I wiser?

How would accepting what is, and this moment without judgment, improve your experience of life?

Love,

Carolina