Seek the Pattern

The car cut me off. Just pushed into my lane without even slowing down. I had to brake. I was annoyed. I live near a bridge and the traffic sometimes gets heavy. What’s more, two lanes merge into one as you approach the bridge itself. Locals know what to do. We all slow down and neatly alternate one car from the left lane, one from the right. Like a zipper. It works. Until it doesn’t. When that happens, it’s annoying.

But here’s the interesting thing. It’s less annoying if you can find the pattern behind it. Huh? What pattern? And why should it be less annoying? And what does this have to do with the Tao Te Ching? This newsletter will explore some answers.

The car is a good example. Let’s start there. What’s the pattern? I got cut off. Some drivers are less considerate than others. Is there anything more to it than that? Well, yes, I think there is. Here’s the pattern. Look at the license plate. More often than not, the car is from out-of-province. That means they’re (most likely) not local. That means they (most likely) don’t know the alternating dance as we approach the bridge.

Well, you might say, it’s not rocket science. Couldn’t they figure it out by watching what everyone else is doing? Agreed, it’s not rocket science. And yes, they could figure it out. But on that particular day at least one of them didn’t – and it happened to be right in front of me.

So now I will make a bold generalization. What annoys us is the instances, the occurrences of a pattern; not the pattern itself. However, if we take a moment to step back, we can sometimes see the pattern and, when we do, the instance somehow becomes less annoying. Does this work every time? No, it doesn’t. Does it work at least sometimes? Yes, I think it does. What’s more, perhaps it could work more often than we think.

In a nutshell: I think we react to instances but respond to patterns. Seeing a pattern at least gives us the opportunity to take a breath before responding to it. And when we respond rather than react, I find the annoyance level drops significantly. What’s more, we become more open, more aware, and life becomes less of a struggle.

Okay. We can pick lots of holes in this. First, maybe your life isn’t a struggle. If so, that’s great. Second, maybe you’re generally quite open and aware. That’s great too. You likely spend much less of your time being annoyed. But here’s a more significant hole to pick. What if the whole pattern is annoying? Not just the specific instance, but the whole thing? Let’s face it, the world out there has some bad drivers in it. What’s not annoying about that?

Alright. Let me take a shot at a reply. I’ll do it in a roundabout way. Is gravity annoying? No. Is it annoying when you trip and fall? Yes. Is the sequence of the seasons annoying? No. Everyone knows it goes spring, summer, fall, winter. But do you sometimes wish winter were shorter? Yes. However, gravity is what it is and the seasons are what they are.

And here’s how you can respond. You cannot change gravity, but you can walk more carefully. You cannot change the seasons but, if you don’t like winter, then you can travel somewhere else for a while if that’s an option for you. If not, you can simply accept that you find some seasons less enjoyable than others. You cannot change other people’s driving habits, but you can spot an out-of-province license plate and give those cars some slack in case it turns out they need it.

My point is that all these are responses rather than reactions. Each is an example of letting go of feeling put out that the world won’t bend itself to your wishes (a reaction) and instead accepting it as it is and doing something about it (a response).

Lao Tzu calls this letting go of clinging to your own comfort. When “The Master… runs into a difficulty, she stops and gives herself to it. She doesn’t cling to her own comfort; thus problems are no problem for her” (chapter 63).

I think the key phrase is “gives herself to it.” Comfort is all about our self. It’s about what we happen to find comfortable. And we can easily spend much of our time trying to arrange the world to suit ourselves and maximize our comfort. But doing so has a consequence. When we encounter a difficulty, stopping and letting go of our self is exactly what we do not do. Instead, we cling to our comfort and see the difficulty as something to be surmounted, as a problem to be solved.

What’s different about the Master is not that she doesn’t run into difficulties. We’re told she does. What’s different is her approach. First, she stops. She doesn’t simply react. Second, she doesn’t cling to her own comfort. She accepts that it’s not all about her and what her “self” would like. And the result? “…problems are no problem for her.” That’s interesting. Could I do that too? Hmm, perhaps I could.

So let’s pull these threads together. Does seeking and finding patterns make life’s difficulties go away? No, it doesn’t. But what if many of life’s difficulties were caused by how we react to instances of patterns? What if we stopped and took the time to find the pattern and then responded to that?

Why should that make a difference? I think it’s because when we seek the pattern, we forget ourselves. When we forget ourselves, we no longer cling to our comfort. Reactions spring from the self whereas responses spring from awareness of the pattern. At least, that’s how it seems to me.

By the way, note that one possible response to a pattern is to remove ourselves from situations where we seem to keep experiencing the same difficulty – assuming we’ve found we cannot contribute anything positive to it. For example, if we really cannot stand winter, and we have a choice as to where we live, then we can move to somewhere winter is shorter or warmer.

Similarly, to return to my opening example of the bridge traffic, I can spot an out-of-province license plate and give those cars some slack. Or I can remove myself from the situation by avoiding the bridge at busy times. Or, of course, I can continue to be annoyed and react as if each instance of the pattern were an unpredictable surprise. The point is that it’s up to me.

How about you? Can you think of examples of instances you experience which may have patterns behind them? How might responding to the pattern produce a different result than reacting to the instance?

I should also add something important. I’ve spent some time on the example of being annoyed by bridge traffic. Let’s not forget there can be positive examples too, e.g., ways in which people appreciate each other or do things that bring light into the world. The point is to seek the pattern because this is what enables us to respond rather than react.

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Thanks for reading. Please feel free to share this newsletter.

Francis

IN OTHER NEWS...

Past newsletters are here: www.francispringmill.com/newsletter-archive

In Harmony with the Tao: A Guided Journey into the Tao Te Ching is available here. There Is No Somewhere Else: Insights from the Tao Te Ching is available here.

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