Hi ,
I want to talk about grief tonight, and how you move through grief.
Right now, a bath is waiting for me, salmon is in the oven and my daughter has one of her best friends over. I can hear them giggling, doing a Try Not To Cringe challenge. I don't know what that is, nor do I want to.
Let me tell you about Lily. Lily is beautiful and strong and confident. She loves volleyball, her family and friends, and her cat, Jasper. She's funny. She loves Sza and has tickets for Taylor Swift. She's cool. She snapchats me every day. She's growing up.
I can remember her as a baby, and a beautiful toddler. This sweet precocious child, twirling in her fancy dress at the Nutcracker. I have videos of her hanging from monkey bars, and letting fish go free at the cottage, the sound of my mum's voice in the background. I can see her doing cartwheels on the beach in Turks and Caicos, and swimming like a fish. I have gone to her school choirs, her dance performances, made batches of cookies for bake sales, and cuddled her on the sofa when she was sick.
Gone are the days of bedtime stories. Gone are those little moments that you didn't realize were so precious, until the day you wake up and realize you are continually asked for money to go to Starbucks.
The act of letting go is an act of grief, and it is happening all the time. We believe it is the feeling of cold air, after the door shuts on the life of someone we love. This, of course is one moment of grief. But we are always going through some form of grief in one shape or form. I believe that finding the strength within us, to face the challenges in life like The Grieving Process, is indeed an act of courage.
In the days after my mother died, I ran 5K every day. The violent shock of her death - and the trauma of finding her, gone from sudden lung failure - created a ringing in my ears that was physically disarming. I didn't know how to be in the world without my mother. I didn't know who I was without her. Running eased the pain. A week afterwards, I resumed teaching morning classes to give my life a sense of routine. My children were rocks for me - in spite of having to grieve their own Nana. We cried a lot.
But my daughter took the lead. She was already growing up but this catapulted her. She would wipe my tears and say "It's ok, Mumma," She and Teague would hug me with such beauty and love, they gave my body the serotonin it desperately needed.
Tomorrow, my baby will be fifteen. I couldn't be more proud of the young woman she's becoming. Next year she will be driving. In a few years, she will be off to university. She will have first boyfriends, and first broken hearts. She will have successes and failures, She will continue to become the person she is meant to be. And so, I can look to the grief of my baby growing up, and instead say Thank you God. Thank you God for giving me a beautiful girl to raise. Thank you for trusting me with this. It is so frightening and so real so much of the time.
But so is life.
We are capable of living life in fear.
Or we are capable of making another choice.
Love to you all this Family Day Weekend.
Below are some wonderful recipes.
Healthy Crock Pot Freezer Food
My Favourite Chickpea Blondies
With LOVE and gratitude,
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