Even More Answers to your "What if ...?" Questions!
Dec 31, 2022 2:11 pm
Happy new year,
I think I hear a "what if?" question from someone daily. Not just clients, but friends and family too. And in my own head.
That's because it is a very a normal question (we have a "negativity bias"), despite the anxiety it causes. And a very good question to ask.
Learn why below.
Best wishes in 2023!
Dr. Eddie
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"But what if ...?"
"But what if ... something bad happens?"
Well it might, but that's only half the possibilities.
You could also win, make a great play, make the team, unseat the starter and get more playing time. You could make your teammates, parents and coaches proud. You could learn and grow and improve. You could do something you've never done before.
We have a "negativity bias" that causes negative events or feelings to have a more significant impact on our psychological state than positive events or feelings, even when they are of equal proportion. We are prone to dwell more on negativity than positivity and feel the sting of criticism more powerfully that the joy of compliments.
Paying extra attention to the bad stuff compared to the good offers better protection from harm. Ancestors that survived using this tendency passed these genes of attentiveness to danger on to us.
So we have to be intentional to not fall victim to these automatic negative worries. The next time you think, "What if ...(something bad happens)?" ... do this:
1) Remember this is a "bias" and not necessarily an accurate reflection of the actual likelihood that the feared result will occur. Many positive outcomes are also possible, and may be even more likely.
2) Remember that you are not a fortune-teller! You don't know what the outcome will be, and you don't control the end result.
3) So refocus on what you š¯—±š¯—¼ control. Focus on the process of what you can do to make the desired outcome more likely.
I conclude with maybe the most powerful intervention below.
Your mind is doing you a great favor asking, "What if ... (this bad thing happens)?"
The question is alerting you to a potential threat. Relate to the question as a teammate trying to help you ... not the enemy stressing you out. Listen and respond with cooperation.
Thank your mind for the warning and come up with a plan on how to prevent the threat.
If you are afraid of losing, how can you prepare to win?
If you are afraid of failing a test, what do you need to study and when?
If you don't want to disappoint others, what can you focus on to maximize your performance?
If you don't want to re-injure yourself, how do you improve strength and mobility to be safe?
Your mind can feel like a problem, but it has the intention to help you. With that spirit of protection, move your focus from the worry to the solution and take that productive action.
It's not easy to get distance from worry and refocus. It takes training.
Join us inside Success Stories Membership for that needed training and get support from a community of high achievers like yourself, working together to overcome their obstacles to excellence at www.dreddieoconnor.com/membership
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Sleep and Worry
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Dr. Eddie Oā€™Connor
