Don't Be Afraid of Fear this Halloween
Oct 29, 2021 4:01 pm
Happy Halloween,
This is one of my favorite holidays! I dress up every year. Usually as a superhero. I've been Batman, Wolverine, The Hulk, Clark Kent (Superman) and Tony Stark (Ironman) in recent years.
What all these characters have in common is they seem to lack fear and anxiety. They are consistently brave.
Us normal human beings? Not so much.
But I have two things below to help with that.
Enjoy,
Dr. Eddie
P.S. - Reply and let me know what you dressed up as this year. Bonus points if you send a pic!
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Don't Be Afraid of Fear
When we are scared, we imagine negative future outcomes.
This is a distraction.
We hate the feelings of anxiety in our body. The rapid heart rate, muscle tension and racing thoughts.
Also distractions.
Fear is actually a reminder that we love what we are doing, and we care about the outcome. We are afraid that our desired outcome won’t happen. Rather, some undesired negative outcome will happen instead.
So the best thing we can do is use this fear as a signal to focus on the process.
If you are afraid to lose, focus on what you need to do to win.
If you are afraid of making a mistake, focus on preparation.
If you are afraid of failing that test, then study.
If you are afraid your relationship isn’t going well, be the kind of person you would like to date or marry.
Focus on what you can control and on the process of preparation.
Because when you do, not only will you reduce your fear, but you will also put yourself in the best position to succeed.
As an additional resource to manage performance anxiety and fear, check out The Psychology of Performance: How to Be Your Best in Life through The Great Courses at www.thegreatcourses.com/dreddieoconnor
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"... but AND it's hard."
Obstacle:
You say “… but it’s hard” because it is. It hurts. It takes time, money, effort, sacrifice. What you want isn’t easy, and you have to do the work.
“I want it BUT it’s hard” suggests it needs to be easy to do it and hard is the reason you can’t do it.
“I want it BUT I’m tired” and fatigue becomes the excuse you have for not doing it.
“I want it BUT it takes a lot of time” means that it isn’t convenient enough for you to prioritize it.
When you use the word “but” everything before that word is discounted. Everything after the “but” is where your attention is and it becomes the excuse justifying why you aren’t succeeding.
How to Overcome:
Say “ … AND it’s hard” instead.
Notice how that sounds and feels different.
When you use “and” both what comes before and after can co-exist.
It can be hard AND you can still do it.
You can be tired AND you can still take active steps toward it.
It can take a lot of time AND you can make the time.
Replace your “but” with “and” to create acceptance of the difficulty and let the difficulty be a part of your achieving experience.
If your buts are holding you back, I can help with individual consultations at https://dreddieoconnor.com/telehealth-services/
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Dr. Eddie O’Connor
