Finally! How you can be perfect!
Aug 27, 2021 4:01 pm
Good Friday morning,
Part of the reason I was fascinated by sport and performance psychology was to help my own issues. My identity was wrapped up in my achievements. My worth was based on my accomplishments. I needed to be perfect and I still work on being ok in my mistakes.
If you're like me - you are going to love what I have for you below and how to be "the perfect perfectionist."
And for the sport parents & coaches out there - please enjoy the brief video on how play offers something unique over practice in your kids' talent development.
Best wishes,
Dr. Eddie
Be the Perfect Perfectionist
Do you hate when people tell you “no one is perfect” and “mistakes are ok”?
I do. It drives me nuts.
Because I still want things to be perfect. I’m not out here competing to do it half-@$$ed. And mistakes are NOT ok. They cost us points, hurt the team, and are embarrassing.
And the fact is perfectionists generally get better results … up to a point.
The drive for perfection provides energy, attention to detail and a work ethic that improves performance. But gone too far it also contributes to anxiety, depression, performance mistakes and burnout.
Here is the one thing you can do to stay on the beneficial side of perfectionism and become what I call “the perfect perfectionist.”
** Stop hating your mistakes and use them as the learning opportunity they are.
You don’t have to like mistakes. You don’t have to believe they are “ok” and “not worry” about them. Maintain the attitude that you don’t want to make them and focus on what you need to do to perform your best.
But when mistakes do happen, take advantage of the opportunity to find out what you did wrong and fix it so it doesn’t happen again.
Own your mistake, learn from it, and in that moment get closer to being perfect. Then repeat that with a new mistake, and get even better again.
This is the way of the perfect perfectionist.
If you struggle with perfectionism, reply to this e-mail for help with individual tele-health consulting.
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Play Has More Benefits Than You Think
Much is said about the importance of deliberate practice to improve skills, and rightfully so. But what about play?
There are two kinds of play and both are important in the developmental process.
Play practice is where adults lead the fun and games in a structured practice environment. Kids play but each activity has a skill development goals. Play practice has great value in keeping kids motivated while developing sport skills.
Deliberate play is where athletes experience sport through fun and playful games. Its reward is intrinsic; it provides immediate gratification, maximizing enjoyment. This is where passion for sport develops. An example is street hockey. It is led by children, often modified from the standard rules, and is low pressure. It encourages kids to be creative and experiment with new skills they might be afraid to attempt under the critical eye of a coach or parent.
Social skills develop as kids are left on their own to negotiate rules of fairness and resolve conflict. There is often a mix of ages and skill levels, creating a host of opportunities to test skills and learn from more mature players or deal with the adversity of competing and getting beat by someone bigger and stronger.
Check out “The Psychology of Performance: How to Be Your Best in Life” at www.thegreatcourses.com/dreddieoconnor for the 22nd lesson, “Talent: A Developmental Process” and 23 other sport psychology topics that will make you better at what you do!
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Dr. Eddie O’Connor
