Hello,

Last week I shared how overthinking is an attempt to control the outcome. I continue with how overthinking helps us feel like we are doing something when we aren't.

Then I share part of an interview I did with CanvasRebel, highlighting how I may have unfortunately added to the pressure to win (and how I fixed it).

Hope this moves you forward,

Dr. Eddie

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Overthinking vs. Doing

Another “benefit” of overthinking is that it feels like we are doing something about it.

We care so much about the outcome that we want to influence it some way. We want to take some action to show how much we care. Overthinking can be an action that feels like we are doing something, even though we aren’t.

Let me illustrate with an example. Maybe your mom has said this to you, “I only worry about you because I care.”

My mom said this to me when I lived out of state. I was over 40 years old and married with four kids! She couldn’t protect me any more, so what could she do instead? Worry! I believe since she was truly powerless to do anything practical, she did the only thing she could. Worry! And in a way, this made her feel a little better by meeting her need to do something; even at the cost of increasing her anxiety about my well-being.

Overthinking can be much like this. We can think, analyze, plan and ruminate. And it feels like we are being productive. It feels like we are doing something to help. But in fact we are doing the opposite.

So here is a better idea. Actually do something.

The next time you get caught up overthinking, ask yourself, “how do I translate this into an action to move me forward?”

For example,

• thinking about school, and the tests you have, and the grades you want, and how hard the professor is, and all the research you need to do for the term paper? … Go study.
• thinking about sitting on the bench, how unfair the coach is, how you deserve more playing time, how your teammates have more experience, how you are under pressure with limited chances to show your skills and you really, really don’t want to make a mistake? … Go practice your skills.

Whatever you are worried about, there is an action you can take that will not only make you feel better, but more importantly help you avoid the negative outcomes you are worried about.

Join me inside Success Stories Membership for more in-depth training on how to stop overthinking.

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Is average "good enough"?

An excerpt from the most recent CANVASREBEL publication:

What’s a lesson you had to unlearn and what’s the backstory?

My tag line is “overcoming obstacles to excellence” but that wasn’t always the case. My early business cards read “… because average isn’t good enough.”

At the time, I was proud of it. I was the “performance excellence” guy, so of course average wasn’t good enough! I wanted to help people be their best and not settle for anything less. But as I explained earlier, some of that came from an unhealthy place. An intensity that was fueled by a feeling of not being good enough and a need to earn my worth through achievement.

It worked in the beginning. As all successful people will tell you, the achievement, recognition, admiration and promotions are all positive and reinforcing, But they are also short lived. The “I am good enough” feeling doesn’t last. Then it is on to the next project or achievement to get that feeling again. It becomes a treadmill of constant running but not getting anywhere. It’s exhausting.

A life fueled by “not feeling good enough” risks getting out of balance. With the desire to achieve, people work harder and neglect family, health, recreation and recovery. Mental health suffers with depression and anxiety. The pressure to win becomes all-consuming.

My clients struggling with performance anxiety have all this in common.

I realized I was sending the wrong message. I looked at my business card and tore it in half.

By stating average wasn’t good enough, I was shaming those who didn’t win … which is most of us most of the time! It is absolutely the wrong focus. I don’t want my clients running away from negative consequences.

I want them running toward their life-giving goals.

I like to do this exercise called the “Retirement Dinner.” I ask, “what do you want people to say about you when you are all done with sport?” Clients list attributes like being known as a hard-worker, a leader, a great teammate and other admirable qualities. Very few list their win-loss record or batting average or race times. I’ve found that when we focus on these character values each day, we decrease our anxiety and improve our performance at the same time.

I learned that it isn’t the outcome that matters most. It is the process we take to get there.

You can read the whole article HERE.

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Dr. Eddie O’Connor

www.DrEddieOConnor.com

DrEddie@dreddieoconnor.com