How to Not Disappoint Your Parents
Feb 17, 2023 12:26 pm
Happy Friday,
Athletes, you love your parents, don't you?
Parents, you love your kids a lot, right?
Well, all that love and wanting the best for each other can create some sport specific pressures!
I elaborate below ...
Enjoy,
Dr. Eddie
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A huge fear for athletes is to not disappoint their parents.
When parents express sadness after a loss or mistake, athletes can feel like they let their parents down.
But athletes - as a parent and sport psychologist I am telling you - we aren't disappointed ๐ช๐ฏ you, we are disappointed ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ you.
We know how hard you've worked and how much you care.
We know how badly you want to win.
So when you hurt, we as parents have empathy and hurt with you because we love you.
And don't worry. We are adults. We can handle it. ๐
Parents - be sure to communicate this to your children. Disappointment just looks like disappointment. The reason behind the disappointment isn't clear. Verbalize your unconditional love and support, independent of sport outcomes.
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Parents invest a lot of time and money into their kids' sports. Participation fees, equipment, travel and hotels, coaching, extra training and tournaments over the years.
Athletes are often grateful for their parents' generosity, but can feel pressure to pay them back or reward their "investment."
Athletes, if this is you, please know that as parents we are investing only in you having a good experience this season. We are not expecting you to pay us back with an athletic scholarship.
In fact, if money were the issue, this would likely be a very bad return on investment as fewer than 2% of high school athletes are offered college scholarships, and only 1% of those are full-rides. (See https://www.ncsasports.org/recruiting/how-to-get-recruited/scholarship-facts)
We are also not paying to see you win, or go pro or make the Olympics. We are not investing in your sport experience for any particular outcome.
We are investing time and money for you to have a great experience this season, meaning we want you to have fun, grow, and develop.
OK, there probably is ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ expectation that you take it seriously, work hard and be responsible. You can play recreational sports for free if you want to play with a recreational mindset! But if you want to be a part of a competitive sport experience, there should be some agreement about the investment you as the athlete are also willing to make.
But that is in effort only, not outcome.
You don't have to pay us back with wins, mistake-free play, or a scholarship.
If you give good effort and enjoy the experience, then we are happy.
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Parents, is your child struggling with anxiety? Sport presents a unique set of challenges and pressures. As a sport psychologist, I can help your child handle this stress in a way that improves both mental health and sport performance. Click here for more on 1:1 consulting.
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Dr. Eddie OโConnor
