The one sentence you need to perform your best
Apr 01, 2021 8:46 pm
Hi again
The sentence below will change your life when you implement each of the four components. It summarizes our goals for mental training.
I break down parts one and two today, and will send three and four next week.
See what you can do to start building these two skills and let me know your progress.
As always, I am available to help with 1:1 coaching or in the membership. More at www.dreddieoconnor.com
Best,
Dr Eddie
Here Now In The Present Moment
This statement beautifully summarizes the best approach to take with your internal experiences to consistently excel.
“I am … here now in the present moment …”
It begins with our ability to be truly present and attentive to what is happening, both inside our body and outside in our environment, right now as it is happening.
All performances happen in the now. Ask a baseball player what happens if he is a half second ahead or behind a pitch. What happens to your performance if your mind is focused on what just happened, or what you think is about to happen?
It suffers.
Now this does’t mean we can never review the past or plan for the future. There is a time and place to do that when you intend to learn or prepare.
But if you are having a conversation with a loved one, studying for a test, playing your sport, solving a work challenge - your best attention will be on what is happening right now.
Tuning into what is happening outside yourself right now could look like focusing on the math or work problem in front of you (not the F you are imagining you will get), the position of the ball and defenders in the field (not the mistake you just made), looking into your partners eyes and hearing his/her tone when they say they love you (not the memory of past betrayals or fear of future abandonment). Life is happening in the now, every second. And the now offers you objective truth.
Tuning into what is happening inside could look like observing your thoughts and feelings as psychological experiences, rather than objective realities. The truth about the math problem is that it is just a question to answer. Simply observing the ball and defenders might inspire trust in your skills and fast, automatic reaction to score. Seeing and hearing your partner’s body language and tone could allow the love and acceptance they are communicating right now to be felt.
Step one is to practice tuning into the present moment. Mindfulness exercises are great for this. If you would like help developing them I would love to support you at www.dreddieoconnor.com
Accepting My Emotions
This statement summarizes the best way to interact with your internal experiences so that you remain in control under pressure.
“I am … accepting my emotions …”
Acceptance is usually the last thing we do when anger, fear, disappointment and frustration show up. These emotions don’t feel good, so we usually try to escape them immediately to feel better. This is a normal biological drive.
But it interferes with performance.
Each of these negative emotions has a purpose and benefit. Anger can energize you to right the wrong. Fear is a warning of potential (not always probable) danger. Disappointment and frustration let us know something we cared about was lost, and we want to work harder to repair that lost outcome.
But instead of feeling and responding to our emotions in this productive way, we want to control and escape them.
We can lash out in anger to discharge the pressure (causing a penalty or escalating conflict). We run away from fear (avoiding the very thing we love and want the most). We lose the motivation to continue when disappointed and frustrated, because if I stop caring I stop hurting.
Notice how controlling and fighting these emotions moves us further away from what we value. There are negative consequences to feeling better.
Imagine what you could do if you accepted your emotions as simply psychological experiences that are trying to tell you something useful.
What would happen if you increased your willingness to feel these emotions in service of achieving your goal?
How much better would your focus be if you turned your attention from the emotional struggle to what you were doing?
How much better would you perform fully dialed in to what you are doing in the moment, accepting your emotions as they are?
Acceptance is a psychological skill that can be practiced and developed. I would love to support you with 1:1 coaching at https://dreddieoconnor.com/telehealth-services or in our Success Stories Membership community at https://dreddieoconnor.com/membership
Dr. Eddie O’Connor
