Friendship Is a Two-Way Street

Hi ,

I want to talk about something that’s been on my mind, especially for this community in the last two weeks.

While I was in the hospital earlier this month, on the first day of February, my pastor shared a message about relationships. He spoke about reciprocity, and it really stayed with me.

I’ve written before about friendships and how we shouldn’t always focus on what others are not doing, but instead focus on what we can do. I still believe that. That perspective matters, and it’s valid.

But there’s another side to this conversation that I think needs to be said clearly.

In real, healthy friendships, there is reciprocity.

This is not for those who are always showing up, always checking in, always making the effort. This is for those who are mostly receiving.

Friendship is a two-way street. You can’t always be the one being supported while never offering support. You can’t always be the one being remembered while never remembering others. You can’t keep benefiting from people’s effort while excusing your absence with “that’s just how I am” or “work is busy” or “I don’t have time.”

We are all busy. We all have responsibilities. But effort is not about perfection, and it’s not about doing everything. It’s about intention.

I’m not saying you have to call every day.

I’m not saying you have to visit all the time.

There are friendships where you don’t talk for weeks, yet you know you’re still in each other’s corner. That’s real, and that exists.

What I am saying is this: people need to feel and know that they matter to you. Don't expect them to know or assume they know.

If you’re not intentional about showing people that they matter to you, over time something happens. When those same people encounter others who see them, value them, acknowledge them, and show appreciation, it’s only human that their energy shifts. Not necessarily because they are unkind or disloyal, but because effort speaks.

Friendships don’t have to be equal in action, but they should be balanced in care.

You may not do the same things your friends do, and that’s okay. Reciprocity doesn’t mean copying each other. It means that the relationship does not feel like a one-way street.

So this is just a gentle check-in.

Look at your friendships.

Ask yourself honestly: am I intentional, or am I only available when it’s convenient?

Am I contributing, or mostly receiving?

Healthy relationships grow where effort flows both ways.

Your Fave,

Darasimi.