🤷‍♀️ Apparently, this was a strange first-date strategy

Hello !

Twenty years ago this week, I took my now-husband on our first date.

To my staff Christmas party. (Non-profits with small budgets have to book space in the off-season!)

These annual events had about 300 people.

Including quite a few lovely, age-appropriate single women.

Naturally, I introduced him to as many of them as I could.

I also made it clear that if he hit it off with someone else, he didn’t have to leave with me.

He still tells this story like I was an absolute mad woman!

But I still maintain that agreeing to one date doesn’t mean you’ve signed an exclusivity contract. We were getting to know each other. If he met someone he had a better spark with, how would hanging out with me all night have been the better call?

Also, I knew some very nice women. It would’ve been rude not to introduce them to this hot, single guy eHarmony had connected me with.

Twenty years later, he’s still here. And as I planned our anniversary-of-our-first-date evening out, I’ve been thinking about that date, and how it reflects my general philosophy of making connections and building relationships.

Even with you.

I want you to find your people. Even when your perfect person isn’t one of my people.

If I know another coach whose approach might suit you better than mine, I want to tell you about her. If another author has written the book you need, I want you to read it. If you meet your future writing bestie through Author Ever After, I’ll be delighted, not standing in the corner muttering, “But I introduced you. I want to be in the convo, too...”

Writing can be lonely enough without treating every connection like something we need to guard.

And as romance authors, we’ve got so many opportunities to be generous.

We can recommend another author’s book. Share a useful resource. Introduce two writers who are wrestling with the same challenge. Celebrate someone’s launch without ever worrying that a sale they make will steal one from us.

Someone else finding a reader, a friend, or the right support doesn’t mean there’s one less good thing available for us.

That’s the spirit I cultivate in Author Ever After and that all the members practice every day, helping each other find what we need.

I’ve been operating this way for about thirty-five <ahem> years, starting in the indie film world in my early twenties, then moving to non-profit work. Proper capitalists would call this missing opportunities to monetize.

I call it generosity of spirit and I believe to my core, that the more we give the more we receive. You could call it karma, I guess... what we focus on, grows. It's easy.

What's my point?!

No matter where you are in your author career, don't be afraid to share who and what you know to help others. And, perhaps even more importantly, don't be afraid to ask for support and make those cold calls to people your peers thinks you'd hit it off with. It may be the start of a beautiful new relationship!

If you're looking for support on your writing journey, check out the folks who I've gathered on Swoonworthy Services. These are vetted romance publishing pros you can trust to have your best interest at heart. I don't get any kick-back for recommending them. Well, other than knowing nice people are finding other nice people to work with!

If you know other coaches, editors, designers, translators, narrators, etc who have big hearts and work with romance authors, please hit reply and tell me about them. I’d love to add them to the site to help them meet their next favourite client.

xo,
Danika

PS—You’re also welcome to weigh in on my first-date strategy. Twenty years together suggests my unconventional approach has some merit.

Danika Bloom

Author Ever After 💖

Swoonworthy Services 😍

Where romance writers become romance authors. Write it, finish it, publish it—together.

With respect and gratitude, I operate on the traditional, ancestral, and unceded territory of the Skwxwú7mesh (Squamish) Nation.