Before we start, free books!

Why be yet another falafel food cart in New York when you can beat the food trends before they are even trends. Here’s ten ideas to use time travel to build that burrito empire.

1. Post WWI German Bakery – Why not take advantage of that post World War I hyperinflation and open a bakery? Imagine buying ingredients to make the bread for pennies and people bringing wheelbarrows full of cash to buy it! It’s the ultimate of buying low and selling high. Just make sure you leave the country before the 1930s.

2. Failed Food Everything Store – Just admit it, aren’t you even just a little bit curious to try Crystal Pepsi or Celery-flavored Jell-o? What about a bag of olestra filled WOW chips to prank the office potluck? Or what about Coke Blak that was coffee and Coco-cola? Waylay products on their way to the garbage heap of the history, and bring them forward in time when kitschy stuff of the past is cool and profitable.

3. The Vomitorium – While the actual word means a large hallway where people could leave the amphitheaters in large quantities, why not change history, and create the first all you can eat seafood buffet in ancient Rome? How do we know that the all you can eat buffet wasn’t invented by the Romans? We don’t! Mass quantities of seafood, poor refrigeration technology, and a large room with no air conditioning is bound to turn the myth into a reality.

4. The Holy Taco Tuesday – Why rely on marketing gimmicks to sell tacos on Tuesday when you get it enshrined into religious law? Just travel back in time. Get rid of those commandments about coveting that no one really follows anyway and insert “Thou shall eat tacos on Tuesdays” and “Weekly tacos will definitely get you into heaven” and “Tacos remove sin” and how many commandments are about coveting anyway? “Thou shall covet thy neighbor’s taco.” Seems good to me. History will figure it out.

5. Endangered Species Café – Before you string me up and put me in the stocks in the town square, hear me out. Humans pretty much like to eat weird shit. I mean people ate dishwasher pods despite the strong evidence that they’ll kill you. There’s a blowfish that if not prepared correctly will kill you, yet people eat it. I’m pretty sure that there are certain percentage of people who see a rhino and think, “I’d eat it,” even though they might be eating the very last one! So rather than letting humanity eat species off the planet (Anyone tried passenger pigeon? Nope, because our ancestors ate all of them), create a place where people can go and eat those animals using time travel to keep the population stable, then leave the ones alive today alone.

6. Nuclear Chicken Wings – Why settle for run-of-the-mill spicy? 5 billon on the Scoville scale will seem like a child’s breakfast cereal compared to your wings that are cooked with a genuine atomic blast.  We know where and when nuclear tests have occurred in history. All you need is a time machine and a grill. Just don’t be surprised when the famous Oppenheimer quote becomes, “Now I am become Death, the destroyer of— what the hell is that guy doing with a barbeque?”

7. Saffron Truffle Wagyu Caviar Fast Food – Why should Trader Joe’s own the market on rare flavor convenience food items? This is low effort time travel at its best. Just ask those dudes running around New York with bags full of truffles where and when they got them then yoink them for yourself. Crap, I shouldn’t have put that out in the universe! A time traveler just released all my books under their name before I published them!

8. InstaCheese – Why wait for all that pesky aging process? Just use time travel to get the cheese minutes after the customer orders. Just avoid the CHEESE PARADOX. It’s very bad. Like crossing the streams, or a chronal cataclysm and quantum collapse. Time travel always needs to have something that will end all of space and time. In this case, it’s the CHEESE PARADOX.

The Complete Time Burrito Series (eBook bundle)

The complete Time Burrito series!

With great burrito comes great responsibility.

$12.00

Books to Consider

The entirety of existence is collapsing. Luckily, the multiverse has Clara, Pete, Unk, and Misako.

Read Time Burrito 5 today!