Before we start, a list of free Noblebright Fantasy Books.

Why let climate change deniers have all the fun? Since scientists are predicting a whopping 24 inches (60 cm) of sea level rise in the next 10-20 years it’s time to book that beach front vacation before there’s no beach! If you can’t beat them, might as well join them. It’s also possible that if you try any of these you’ll end up in prison or worse! Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

1.   Polar Bear Wrestling – Why not settle down for some summer fun and wrestle polar bears? We’ve all seen the pictures of emaciated polar bears from their shrinking artic habitat, why not take advantage of them while they are weak and prove your manhood at the same time by wrestling them into submission! Worried about PETA or some namby pamby environmental organization ruining the fun? Not to worry! The sea ice in the artic is so melted you can do it in international waters where all you have to worry about are drug lords (which face it, they’ll probably start placing bets on your polar bear fights).

2.   Amazon Rain Forest Deforestation – Why let big business and industry have all the fun cutting down swathes of the Amazon rain forest when you can do it yourself! Pretty much anyone with a chainsaw and a dream can clear cut any part of the Amazon they want. If you really want to spice up that vacation just grease the palm of a few Brazilians politicians and you can burn down the whole dang forest!

3.   Narwhal Ice Fishing – With glaciers melting and sea ice disappearing, this might be your last chance to catch a narwhal. Imagine the stories you’ll tell with that critter mounted on your wall and its ferocious horn that almost impaled you. Sure, the holes you drilled in the ice will only accelerate the melting of the glaciers but who needs them anyway? You live in a state completely protected against climate change, Florida. Everyone knows that politicians in Florida are way above all this climate change nonsense.

4.   Malaria Parties – With climate change threating to push tropical diseases further north, get all your anti vaxxer friends together and contract Malaria. Then you can prove to the world that half baked medical advice from an online personality who describes themselves as a Health and Fitness coach will cure any disease, baldness, grow your penis by inches (and the libido to match), get giant muscles by sitting on the couch, and produce natural pheromones that will make you irresistible to the opposite sex. I mean what he says must be true. He has sex like 50 times a day according to his TikTok, and is like the buffest dude you’ve ever seen. Never mind that he lives in a mansion and probably works out 8 hours a day for a day job. He takes an herbal supplement from Nature's Cornucopia of Bounty and Wellness fifteen times daily. And you know the herb is legit because he is in no way connected to Nature's Cornucopia of Bounty and Wellness, unless of course you unravel the legal tangle of shell companies, and find out that the $245 a week supplement is just basil.

5.   Beach Sand Parties – You can help affluent members of society keep their heads firmly in the sand by building mounds of dirt to protect their expensive beach front properties against sea level rise. Luckily this can be a vacation you do every summer as those sand seawalls will need to be rebuilt. You’ll be helping people that don’t want to pay for climate change initiatives to pay for it in more catastrophic ways. This is a win-win for anyone who loves sand and their heads inside it!

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Necromantic rituals, murderous ogres, battle-scarred rangers: not a typical Saturday detention for unsuspecting teaching assistant, Petra, and her delinquent teen charges.

The Beaverton High School Breakfast Club show up for what they thought would be cleaning the locker room with a toothbrush when the morning goes horribly wrong, and they fall victim to a deadly, dark spell.

Some jerkwad moon mage shoves the consciousness of Petra’s three-year-old into the body of a musclebound barbarian, and she is transformed into a halfling. The kids get stuck as a cleric, fire mage, and other stalwarts of your typical fantasy gaming party.

Now they must quest through a land of pissed-off warriors, angry giants, a pompous vampire, and a necromancer out to kill Petra and her child.

Despite being in a world where everything threatens to unalive her, the hardest part is convincing a hulked-out man that the battle axe is not a toy, the undead are not cuddly, and he should use the potty.

Check out the Misfits of Carnt today!

Author Swaps

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When Captain Zeke Travers and the crew of the Friendly Card face off against an ancient cosmic horror, they’ll need brains, brawn, and some serious bending of the laws of physics to survive.

Get Zeke Travers here.

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