Hello fellow pioneers!

I'm just off for my birthday party weekend, but wanted to share this story with you I recalled the other day. It was the day I hid under a desk...

The shame inside was palpable. I felt miserable, and very small. I was so embarrassed. 

Have you ever felt completely stuck? Defined by your role, you’ve lost your sense of purpose, but you know there’s something else desperate to break through, if only you could work out what it is you’re good at? 

A few years ago, I was part of the first intake of a start-up incubator. If I’m honest, despite the brilliant things I learned there, it was one of the most toxic work cultures I’ve ever experienced. Half way through a crowdfund we were managing as a pilot, I was brought in by management and asked to leave. 

They suggested spending time with my daughter. “Be a good mother.”

I had spent the last few weeks reading emails that began “perhaps you realise this isn’t for you…”, being told my peers were listening to every conversation and that “this wasn’t the place for me” 

My fears of imposter syndrome shared and mirrored back to me as proof I was going to fail. 

We had to repeat the mantra of ‘Go do’ and talk ourselves up of being an entrepreneur. And if we didn’t succeed, we were a failure.

I was not an entrepreneur. I was a failure.

I was absolutely broken.

Despite this news, myself and my co-founder carried on. Fast forward a few weeks and we achieved our target with the help of a national PR agency. They got us the media attention we needed, and we carried on through to the end. 

But the doors were closed for the ‘investment’ community that had built around the incubator. The business model was going to take a long, long time to market and make money. And in reality it wasn’t going to be a huge money earner in its current form. 

With the need to pay my rent, and my confidence knocked, it was time to move on. 

I needed to earn money fast.  

I found myself a temping role on the reception of one of the ‘Big 4’ while I tried to work out what I was going to do next. 

On day two of my new role, the very same PR agency I had just worked with walked through the door. Rather than being the client, I was supposed to put a big smile on my face, take their coats and offer them coffee. 

So I hid under the desk and breathed deeply. 

The shame inside was palpable. I felt miserable, and very small. I was so embarrassed. 

After a few minutes, I stood up tall, smiled and walked over to them. Shaking hands and removing coats all while shrivelling up inside. 

That feeling haunted me for a long time. Was this now my life? 

But it wasn’t. Someone pointed out the more I identified with my role, the more I would lose who I really was. 

I was many things. I just had to find what those things were. 

Slowly but surely, I felt the fire in my belly beginning to light up. Something was moving, helping me get out of bed in the morning. And slowly but surely I moved into consultancy,

a branding agency, a head of communications, and then supporting leaders to run sustainable organisations. 

And now here I am, creating a safe space where others can drop their title at the door, refind their purpose, and relight the fire in their belly, in their own time. 

This is me aligning myself with my true purpose. 

So if you are a pioneer, leader or activist and you feel stuck, or the space you inhabit isn’t allowing you to be the brilliant person you are, you might find The Brave Collective is exactly where you’re meant to be. 

You take care and have a lovely weekend.

Kirsty