Happy Wednesday!

First off, before we begin, this is just a reminder to any of our pre-existing Empathy Gym members that we have officially switched over the Empathy Gym to be on the same platform as the Intro Training, and moving forward you will log in at learn.thebigbiemethod.com to access all sessions.

Ok, now let's talk about consistency and awareness. Tony Robbins says "It's not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives, it's what we do consistently."

So how do we do these things more consistently? We've talked before about creating Tiny Atomic Habits and doing small things daily, making them so easy to do that you can't fail. Like taking one breath of awareness and noticing a feeling. Or just noticing one judgment someone uses in a day that you hear.

I didn't notice until now that both of those involve awareness. In fact, NVC is all about awareness. Awareness of others' needs and our needs. And I want to give you another tool today around awareness that I learned from a Mental Performance Coach, Brian Cain, which you can use to gain awareness of where you are and what habits or situations are helping and hurting you.

It's called "Knowing Your Signal Lights". The easiest way for you to think about your signal lights is as follows.

Green Light = You are in control. You are staying true to your NVC practice. Things are going great, meaning a lot of needs are being met.

Yellow Light = You are starting to lose control, you are getting out of alignment with NVC, and losing focus.

Red Light = You have lost control, you're in your head, possibly triggered, and you have abandoned NVC practices.

So let's get some awareness of your signal lights. Fill out the following table:

1. Body language: What do you tend to do with your body when you are in each of these situations? Do you stand tall, slouch, give hugs, shake hands, close off?
2. Focus: what do you notice your thoughts focusing on during these times?
3. Self-Talk: what are some phrases that go through your head towards yourself in these times?
4. Physical Feelings: what do you notice happening in your body in these moments? This is different from body language in that body language is the outward expression of the physical feelings you are noticing within.
5. Situations: what situations and/or habits put you in these signal lights?

I think this is a great exercise for many reasons. One, because if I have written down how I am, what I'm experiencing and some of the things I do when I'm at Green Light then it gives me hope and helps me remember how my needs are met in that situation versus when I'm experiencing a Yellow or Red Light Situation. Second, I am more likely to be aware of when I'm getting away from my protocol and NVC practice and sliding into Yellow so that I can fix it. And in both Yellow and Red situations, it gives me a plan to get back to Green.

And at the end of the week, you can ask yourself a couple of questions to help assess and make a plan moving forward:

1. Did you encounter any yellow- or red-light situations this week that created a challenge for you to stay in alignment with NVC or stick to your daily habits and the way you want to interact in the world?
2. What caused these challenges to arise?
3. What can you do to prevent this from happening in the future and stay in green light?

This exercise really gives me awareness through the contrast between the three states and helps me return to my optimal baseline and stick to my habits because I can clearly see how many more needs are met when functioning via my Green Light. And thus I'm able to be more consistent in shaping my life and my relationships for the better. I hope it brings some value to you as well.

Ok now on to Demand Energy...

🎙️ Podcast Episode 102: A Conversation about Demand Energy

In this episode, the co-hosts talk about "Demand Energy." What it is and what it's not. Also, there is an explanation of "Dogging for your needs" and how that is different from demanding. Lastly, Heather and Dr. B talk about receiving a request and not necessarily loving it but being willing to contribute to someone because you are connected to his/her needs - and how that can make all the difference. Lots to discuss about demands...so much here that there will be another episode to follow on what to do when you notice you have demand energy.

Click here to listen to the podcast

💪 In The Empathy Gym This Week ❤️

Update: We are officially on a new platform as of this week. You can access the Empathy Gym at learn.thebigbiemethod.com

Upcoming Schedule

Cheers,

Ryan