When I do free mentorship for programmers we cover many things:

- What to focus on

- How to get your first job

- How to perform better at work

But every once in a while, I get a different kind of question...

"I'm struggling... What do I do?"

Every time I get asked this question I enjoy diving deeper.

The different thing about this question is that isn't about your career.

It's about you.

Most people who ask this are a couple of years into working already, but it's a chapter of your life that most of you will eventually experience.

There are three important points to cover here.

(that might save you from a minor existential crisis one day)

So let's get into it.

Who is it all for?

This one seems easy, but is it?

I've caught myself violating this rule several times in my life.

And usually, I was lying to myself.

It's uncomfortable to admit when you're acting out of fear instead of faith – but it's crucial to identify.

Most of us are molded with punishments instead of rewards.

- Do the popular stuff because you fear getting picked on

- Do the homework because you fear a bad grade

- Do the dishes because you fear being grounded

We learn to respond more strongly to negative motivations than to positive motivations.

- Fear of regret > Faith in your judgment

- Fear of criticism > Faith in desires

- Fear of failure > Faith in success

In many cases, we do things because the fear of what people will think is stronger than the faith in how we will feel if we do what we want.

Coming full circle, this is a long-winded way of saying:

Make sure you like coding if you plan to do it long term

Otherwise, you may find yourself a few years in asking why you're struggling.

Be clear with your intentions.

Be honest with yourself.

Experiencing the distance

This is a common reason number 2 people are struggling when they join one of my calls.

We all wish that all our desires were in the present moment.

It's a natural thing to want.

Actually, the entire premise of "desires" depends on time existing.

There is a mode of thinking you can fall into where desires become torture.

Time is a hard thing to quantify, but odds are your desires lie somewhere in the future if you continue down the path you're on.

Sometimes when I talk to people struggling with their current position they emphasize the difference between where they are and where they want to be.

That's what I call "Experiencing the distance"

It's one thing to understand the distance, but another thing to experience it.

In these cases, you have three options:

1. Accept the time and continue down the current path
2. Reject the time and seek an alternative path
3. Reject the time and continue down your current unsatisfactory path

Number 3 is a stressful existence that I do not recommend.

(When you run into bitter and cynical 55-year-olds, they usually chose path 3)

We here on this newsletter don't like path 3 🙅‍♂️

There are two variables in our control to satisfy the "distance" equation:

1. Your level of acceptance
2. Your current path

It's up to you to decide which variable you change.

Dreams are an experience. Not a destination.

What does it mean to "live your dream life"?

Many people jump straight to the cliches:

- Tons of money

- Amazing friends

- Beautiful house

- Travelling the world

- A fast car if you're into that

The interesting thing here is that many people describe their dreams in terms of outcomes.

But you can NOT live outcomes.

The premise of living your dreams is fundamentally flawed if you frame it as an outcome.

Consider these examples, and then consider if your dream life is actually a dream life or a dream desire.

"I want to be a famous rapper"

Here's what becoming a famous rapper might look like:

- Listening to their favorite rappers

- Writing their own raps in class

- Learning how to use music software

- Recording raps with the homies in the basement

- Filming a first music video with an iPhone

- Sharing snippets on Twitter

- Releasing the first album

- Performing for 6 people at a local bar

- Marketing their music

- Maybe a lucky retweet

- Maybe a viral music video

- Maybe they bump into an upcoming producer

Eventually...

- Performing arena tours around the world

Then what?

And the journey continues. You can imagine how that process eventually snowballs.

The point of that story is to consider:

At what point were they "living the dream"?

Arena tours around the world?

The viral music video?

Is writing their own raps in class not part of the journey?

Does that not count as "living the dream"?

A dream life is not an outcome. It is a path.

When you consider your dream life consider the ENTIRE PATH.

As soon as you embark you are already "living the dream"

But only if you think about it right.

Life is NOT about finding answers.

All the answers to life exist already.

Life is about asking the right questions.

If you're already on the path, aren't you living the dream?

_______________________________

Thank you for reading this week's newsletter.

I appreciate all of you who read to the end.

Email me at swdlodonnell@gmail.com with any questions

Check out my free course if you are learning to code

Book a free 30-minute call with me if you want to chat or have any questions.

Until next week!