Well, being a good friend of mine, I trust Florence (DJ Cuppy) will respond to them in the most mature way possible; she always did, even to those that body-shame her but that is not the theme of this article.
Why do people, even those who have problems in their marriages always advise others to settle down?
Why do they marriage-shame a woman in her 30s that seem to be doing well for herself to go and settle down?
If you ask me, I will tell you that mediocrity likes company.
Maybe you do not understand what this means. Pronounce the statement again, "Settle DOWN," yeah, "SETTLE DOWN!"
Repeat it to yourself and think about it, and maybe you will find a meaning for it, and it will help you understand why people always want others to get in at all costs even when they are not ready for it.
"Go & settle down" is usually, although not always, a call to mediocrity, misery, and poverty. Settle DOWN otherwise means "GO DOWN & BE COMFORTABLE STAYING THERE!" That is what marriage is for a lot of married people and they need more people to join them in it to feel better.
Someone I know, who has always had troubles with his wife, whose family seized his certificates & made him work to provide for the family even if he gets nothing from it, & whose wife beats at the slightest provocation started telling me about settling down recently. I was disappointed!
He should be telling me to be more careful to avoid the kind of situation he found himself in, but no, he needed me to join him in that misery to feel better. I do not take advice from such people.
Recently, one of my uncles, who told me to my face that he gave up on me, long before I left UNILAG came up with the same "settle down" advice. This same man who had no say in his house because he earns a lesser salary than his wife did not advise me to avoid the mistakes he made, but to just "settle down".
This was the same man who turned his back on me for choosing a career of my choice. How come he is more interested in me settling down and not in elevating my career? The truth is that he does not want the best for me; he just did not want me to avoid the mistake he made.
People will rarely advise you to do things that will elevate you, especially above them. You have to find that thing and do it against all odds. Sometimes, planning your life well before getting married is one of them.
Most people want you to get married so that you can experience the hell they are experiencing; they do not care how it happens, just get married & then you will be on your own. They will not leave their families to take care of yours; no one does that, so use your head!
Whether you are a man or a woman, anyone that tells you to get married when you do not have a job or can take care of yourself does not love you. That is a set-up for a lifetime of mediocrity. Most parents are fond of this, and it is not out of love for you; they just want to have the bragging right of having married children. Your happiness comes second in the plan.
Anyone that loves you will help you to elevate your career & be patient with you until you find the right marital partner; making you feel like you are irresponsible because you are not married at a time they felt you should is out of hate not love, regardless of who does that to you.
Why do you think most successful single women are slut-shammed into marriage? The reason is simple - most people, especially men are intimidated by their successes and they know that with a bad marriage, they will be more likely be settled DOWN & may never get up again if they are not smart enough to leave.
Developing yourself & meeting the right partner is far more important than marriage. In fact, without the two, marriage is a celebration of mediocrity. Keep developing yourself & no matter how long it takes you to find the right partner, keep searching. It is never too late.
I am unapologetically Soul'e Rhymez
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