Many people argue that books are not needed to fix a relationship that it is all about learning from their experiences yet they keep failing and never get better because while they may be learning, they are the wrong lessons. Experience is the best teacher, but personal experience is often not the best teacher.
For instance, when people get out of bad relationships and you ask them to tell you what went wrong, they usually blame the other person. It is all about what the other person did wrong. Many of them never realized they may have triggered certain reactions that ruined their relationships.
As a love-life coach who has helped 100s of people from different parts of the world fix their love-life issues, no one has ever come to me with love-life issues seeing what they did wrong. The other party is always wrong. This is a major fault with personal experience that makes it less dependable for the most important lessons that lead to success in relationships & marriages.
If you always depend on your past experiences or the experiences of your friends and those that you respect, but who probably blamed the other parties like you always do, to justify themselves, you will never have success in your relationship or marriage. The best bet is to consult a relationship coach through books if you cannot meet them in person.
For instance, if a man cheats in a relationship due to the woman’s lack of care for her body, private part, nagging, or unwillingness to learn more sexual activities to spice up her relationship and many other faults, she will never go to a relationship coach admitting to being the cause of everything. She will say that she gave everything, yet the man cheated.
If she tells that to her pastor as many women usually do or friends, they will blame the man and the only lesson she will learn from the experience is not to love as well as she did before; they will probably tell her it was because she allowed sex in the relationship but was that the problem? With the wrong lesson picked, she will keep having problems in her relationships and blaming everyone else except herself.
If she had read a self-help book, she would have discovered her faults and work on them without ruining her relationships, but because she believes personal experience is the best teacher, she keeps failing and never know the cause of her failure.
A few years ago, a journalist in her 30s contacted me to solve her relationship issues. I listened to her without charging a consultation fee, which I rarely do. She complained that all the men she had met took her love for granted and left after having sex with her.
After listening to her stories, I pointed out that it was her fault and I explained the reason to her. She has a branding that attracts the wrong men and until that is sorted out, she will keep having the same issue. I told her that it was her fault to have attracted and chosen the wrong men.
She got angry that I blamed her for her predicament; she did not want to accept that attracting the wrong men was a fault in her that she can correct. Many people are like her; they are very good but keep attracting the wrong partners because that a faulty personal branding but their problems remain with them because they do not think they should read any self-help book on romantic relationships.
Self-help books are arguably the best teachers in everything; they usually contain experiences with which you can relate to help you. Not only do they contain the experiences of those that have achieved what you want to achieve before you and how they did it, but they also contain errors that you must avoid to achieve success.
For instance, in my books *Single & Smart Man, Single & Smart Lady*, I made a list of common personal branding errors that are common with men and women respectively and how to correct them. This list was compiled based on the observations, my experiences, and the experiences of other people.
I also spent 5 years writing my book HOW TO BECOME A GENIUS THROUGH SEX. My sexual experience alone would not have been enough to complete the book and even if it was, it would not be accurate because I will add sentiments. This is why it took me 5 years to study other people, figure out their errors and found solutions to them.
Buying and reading self-help books may not be enough, but they constitute more than 70% of what you need to succeed in your relationship, provided you read the right ones. If it is not even enough, can you succeed by not reading at all?
Written by Soul’e Rhymez.
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