There may be many reasons why many women stay in an abusive marriage, but there are two most pronounced reasons that keep a lot of women in abusive marriages. Coincidentally, these two things brought about many marriages.
They are as follows:
1. Fear of criticism
2. Fear of poverty
Let us talk about fear of criticism; a lot of women got married out of fear of criticism. They got married because they have reached the age when people marriage-shame them and they could not take it. They just accepted the next idiot that proposed to save themselves from the criticism of not being married.
This is worse in religion, where most women are not respected when they reach age 30 and above and are not married & divorced women are also ostracized.
While marriage-shaming from fellow religionists makes it harder for them to wait to get married to the man that they love and who will treat them well, divorce-shaming makes it twice harder for them to seek a divorce when the relationship becomes abusive.
Take for instance the recent case of Osinachi, the songstress who lost her life as a result of domestic abuse. Many would have wondered why she could not get out, but the truth is that she was trapped by both fears above and hers are real!
Being a Gospel Artiste, as they are called, divorce may ruin her career. Many Christians who now say that she should have divorced her husband would not invite her to their church to minister if she was divorced.
She built a career on her Christian reputation and to keep the money coming, she must live by their standard of not divorcing her husband. How was she going to get the financial support if she divorces, and the church turn its backs on her? She chose to die instead.
Many marriage anniversaries in the realm of religion are celebrations of lost dreams, lost vision, lost hopes, domestic abuse, mediocrity, fear of criticism, and poverty sugarcoated as endurance. Before you envy them and blame God for not blessing you as such, know what you are signing in for.
Another reason why most women stay in abusive marriages is fear of poverty. Any woman that now sees nothing good in a man until he makes money is most likely to be in this category when she gets married. Many women got married out of fear of poverty, and they are trapped in it by the same fear.
If a woman does not work and depends on her husband as the source of her livelihood, then she is doomed to the marriage, however abusive it is. The fear of having to live the rest of her life poverty-stricken keeps her to her husband even if he tortures her daily.
Most men set their wives up for this by telling them to stop working – they know that when their wives stop working and earning money for themselves, they will depend on their husbands and no matter what they do to her, and will not leave.
Accepting to leave your job as a wife may be a setup for abuse by your husband. If a man must tell his wife to leave her career/job to focus on home duties, then he must pay her salary’s worth or create another source of income for her, which will be strictly in her name.
Without financial independence, women, especially those with kids, are doomed to domestic abuse in marriage and many men know it. Many of them plan it that way to dominate their wives and prevent them from leaving.
So, how do you avoid getting into an abusive relationship?
1. Fuck what people say about why you are not married! Marriage is not by age, it is by finding someone that loves & values you as much as you give to do to him.
2. Get a job, if you are broke, not a man. Depending on men for your financial upkeep is a setup for an abusive marriage. Always be smart enough to have a source of income that is independent of your romantic partner.
If you are in an abusive relationship and want out, then send me a WhatsApp message at +2348163800077 and we will find a solution together.
I am Soul’e Rhymez
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