I replied, saying, “There are women but there are no wives.” I am not sure he understood what I meant by that, but I am going to now explain it. Surely, there are a lot of women, in my church, at the workplace, and everywhere, but they are just women, not wives.
It is a man who finds a wife, who finds a good thing, not one who picks up any woman and gets married to her because he is ready for marriage or his family members are on his case to get married.
A woman must be a wife before a man will decide to marry her; this is when he can obtain favor from the Lord. The favor he obtains from the Lord is the support he receives from his wife, which makes his life better, not as if God decides to bless him for getting married.
A woman is not a wife until she has developed her capacity to be able to help herself first, and then help the man in her life get better in any way it is required of her and be willing to do so. It is a man who finds such a woman who “finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.”
If a man marries a woman who is only willing to receive from him but unwilling to give to him as much as she receives, he has found a bad thing and obtained misery from the devil.
A woman who is a wife must be ready to help a man get better than she met him – she must not be focused solely on what she can get, but on what she can give to get what she wants. Moreover, she must be willing to give before getting anything from a man.
Many women who say they are ready for marriage are, by their dispositions, prostitutes looking for a well-paying patron who will make them the only customer for as long as possible. These women measure men by their financial strengths and when they cannot find one that fits their expectations, they say all men are scum.
Such women go around testing men’s financial strengths with unnecessary demands to see if they are capable patrons. A man who finds them and marries them finds misery, poverty, and untimely death.
A wife knows that a man is not an ATM, and does not depend on her man or other men financially or measure his usefulness by how much money he has. She is also ready to support him financially and otherwise, when and where he needs it.
If you want to get married, become a wife first, and then other things will follow. Your job as a wife is to make life easier for your husband, not make things harder for him. This can only be done if you’ve built your capacity to stand as a woman first.
A man does not make a woman a wife, nor does marriage; a woman must intentionally develop into a wife if she wishes to do so. That is when she is ready for marriage. It is “he who finds a wife," not “he who makes a wife.” Only what is available can be found, even if it is hidden.
Are you a wife?
If a man finds you, does he find a good thing, and can it be said about him that he obtains favor from God for having you in his life?
To know if you are ready for marriage, ask yourself, What can I do to make the man in my life a better man?
A word, they say, is enough for the wise, but these are more than a word.
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