Danas su mi u mislima moje zapostavljene granice...

A bogami i one negativne koje sam davno urezala i nikad pomerila...

Granice poput onih koliko dnevno mogu da odmaram...

Koliko dobro mogu da izgledam, šta je moguće za mene...

Dok sam o tome razmišljala pomislila sam da si možda i ti na sličan način negde sebi urezao(la) koliko dobro lično ti možeš da govoriš engleski?

Šta ako ti ta granica diktira ponašanje?

Šta ako ti ta granica koja kaže "ovo je moj maksimum i ja bolje od ovoga ne mogu" diktira osećaj koliko vremena imaš za vežbanje

Diktira da li možeš ili ne možeš da uzmeš privatne časove...

da li tebi ti privatni časovi uopšte mogu da pomognu...

Možda ćeš i ti, kao i ja danas, malo proveriti i preispitati gde su tvoje lične granice sa engleskim i uzeti ovaj tekst kao pomoć u tome :)

Your reading task #13

The signs you need to revise your boundaries about English:

• You feel overwhelmed when somebody mentions practicing English regularly.
• You feel resentful toward people who have time for lessons and speak better than you.
• You avoid opportunities and interactions with people where you might need to speak in English.
• You make comments about having to start learning but then do nothing about it. You feel burned out.
• You frequently daydream about speaking English effortlessly.
• You have no time for practice.

And now a story :). Sit back and enjoy reading this insightful piece from a book one of my students recommended for our lessons :)

Choosing discomfort over resentment.

—BRENÉ BROWN

Erica thought she had to be a hard worker, a great friend, and an all-around rock-star mom—all while looking like she slept eight hours a night. She worked forty hours a week as an accountant and was the single mother of two girls, ages seven and nine. When she wasn’t at work, Erica was driving the girls around to activities. Her oldest played soccer, the youngest took dance classes, and both were active in the Girl Scouts, while also seeing tutors.

Her daughters’ father provided only financial support and didn’t help much with the kids. But Erica was still determined to give her girls the best life possible.

She based her perspective about motherhood on the fact that the other mothers around her seemed to be doing it all without any help. So after college, she didn’t think anything of moving eight hundred miles away from her family.

This year, though, during her busy tax season, she started to unravel. The long days, nights, and expectations were becoming too much. Washing and putting the dishes away every night turned into dishes piled up in the sink. Her regular routine of washing a load of laundry per day turned into two weeks’ worth of dirty laundry. She started zoning out while scrolling through social media on her phone, which made her late everywhere. The kids ate quick meals or frozen foods, as Erica paid no attention anymore to providing a balanced diet. Erica was unintentionally on strike.

At some point, she mentally said, “Screw it. How am I supposed to be a fantastic employee and mom at the same time?” She couldn’t do it all, so she did as little as possible at home and spent almost no time with friends. When the girls tried to talk to her about the changes at home, she’d deny there was a problem. Then, for a few days, she’d get back into her old highfunctioning rhythm of cleaning, cooking, and taking the kids to activities. But she couldn’t stick with it, and would inevitably fall back into letting things go.

Erica started therapy at the urging of her friends, who saw her becoming burned out. While she was aware that she spent hours on social media and had become more withdrawn, she questioned whether she was actually experiencing burnout. After all, everything was fine at work. But she noted that work offered her support and praise, while the expectations were reasonable. At home, she said her job was thankless, never-ending, and mundane. She had no tools to advocate for herself at home like she did at work. There was no support system where she could vent her frustrations. She felt like she could never meet the expectations of being a good mother that she’d previously tried to achieve.

Erica had to create realistic expectations for her role as a mother, which meant setting healthy boundaries.

When I began seeing Erica, she spoke about her fantasies of running away and leaving everything. It wasn’t that she didn’t love her kids. Obviously, she did. It was just all so exhausting. She was frustrated with not being able to depend on their father. She resented having to ask him to pick up the girls from school or practices. Erica craved a well-balanced life for her daughters, but she was frustrated to be the only person responsible for making it work.

In my office, Erica told me she’d never heard her friends talk about motherhood in such a negative way. It made her feel ungrateful. And she’d always wanted to be a mom, so why wasn’t she enjoying it? “The older the girls get, the more I pull away,” she said. “At some point, I realized that motherhood would be endless.” Giving Erica the space to talk openly allowed her to be honest about the feelings she’d been avoiding.

During one session, she had an aha moment when she realized her anger toward her ex-husband was being redirected toward her children. That emotional breakthrough led her to take small steps to be more focused at home. Instead of complaining about not having help, she hired a housekeeper to come in a few times a month. She asked her friends if they would be willing to watch the girls for a few hours while she spent time alone. She started giving the girls chores so that everything wouldn’t be on her. Erica started managing burnout by letting go of the need to be a rock star and instead asking for help when she needed it.

I hope you enjoyed learning a bit about life all while practicing your English (yes it's very much possible to actually enjoy it :))

Do sutra

xoxo