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Hey!

Hello, hello!

I attended three American Thanksgiving dinners over four days in order to visit various branches of my family, and if I won't mind if I never see a turkey again--except the live ones that wander through my yard from time to time, as they're quite cute.

In my home town, there's something called a holiday homes tour, where you can walk through a group of houses on the local register of historic homes, all staged with Christmas decorations. I LOVE the holiday homes tour, and not just because I appreciate houses with historic significance, though I do. Or because I like to see the sometimes-tasteful, sometimes-weird Christmas decor, though I do.

What I like best, though, is walking through other people's houses without having to break in.

It's kind of like looking at houses for sale, another favorite activity. The Zillow algorithm thinks my IP address belongs to a billionaire collector of craftsman bungalows and/or private islands.

But the holiday homes tour is even better because 1) Christmas decorations and 2) I get to be inside the space instead of just seeing photographs. I spend a lot of time imagining life from other people's perspectives, whether they're real or imagined, and literally walking through someone's home gives me so much creative energy.

Do you like open houses? Does your town have a historic homes tour, or something like it?

What I'm writing

Just like last week, I can't quite get to the end of my works in progress. As the Tallgrass Grows is marching toward a length that will probably nudge it past three hundred pages when it's published, but I'm taking care to ensure there's something to love in each and every scene.

Meanwhile, you can find another chapter of Night & Day right at the bottom of this email, as always. Expect us to wrap up the story by the end of the year, but we're not to the last chapter yet!

Wintry MM Romances

Let It Snow - wintry MM romances

You can find a wonderful selection of winter-themed mm romances within this giveaway, many of which are on sale for the season!

Reader Appreciation Sale

30% when you buy direct from Rachel, now through November 30

I've set up a Payhip store to offer an exclusive sale to thank you for being with me on the mailing list. You'll get 30% off when you use code "thank you" at checkout. BookFunnel will facilitate delivery, and you can select a mobi file if you want to load the file to your Kindle.

I hope you're having an amazing week.

xo,

Rachel

find me in more places

Website | Rachel's Party Barn on Facebook | Instagram | Discord

my books

Long Winter | Signs of Spring | Burning Season | As the Tallgrass Grows

Jaywalking | Sleepwalker

***

NIGHT & DAY

Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six | Chapter Seven | Chapter Eight | Chapter Nine | Chapter Ten | Chapter Eleven | Chapter Twelve | Chapter Thirteen | Chapter Fourteen | Chapter Fifteen | Chapter Sixteen | Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Ty fell asleep while Jonathan was taking his turn in the shower, and before Jonathan could rejoin him in bed, he heard distinctly unhappy noises from Isabel's room, so soft that the baby monitor barely registered them. He picked up the handheld monitor from the dresser so that Ty wouldn't be disturbed, and before he slipped out, allowing himself a final backward glance to take in the sight of Ty sprawled in the bed, the shape of his bent leg, hip, shoulders, and tousled hair just visible in the shadowed room.

Smiling to himself, Jonathan stepped into the hallway and closed the bedroom door behind him. A band of early morning sunlight had infiltrated the hallway from the east-facing windows at the front of the house. It was even later than he'd realized.

He eased through Isabel's door and closed it behind him. She wasn't able to sit up by herself yet, but she was fully capable of thrashing back and forth, knocking her feet against the wooden slats of her crib—which she was doing now, grunting in frustration.

When he bent over the crib, though, her expression of consternation immediately shifted to a wide grin. Jonathan smiled back at her as he scooped her up. Her diaper was full against the palm of his right hand, and her neck was a little sweaty from exertion, but she squealed happily as he lifted her. "There we are." He kissed her warm, pink cheek. "Good morning, little girl."

When Isabel was bundled into a clean diaper and a fresh set of fleece footed pajamas, Jonathan carried her to the kitchen against his shoulder, making a bottle with one hand. Still sleepy but too hungry to doze off altogether, Isabel was quiet as she gnawed contentedly on the collar of his shirt until he had the bottle ready, and transferred her to her back in the crook of his arm to feed her.

While she nursed the bottle, clutching it with two greedy hands, he slowly walked the rooms of the house, following the silver morning light as it filled each space. It had been a warm night, he thought. The inside of the window panes felt cool, but not cold. When Isabel was done with the bottle and began to babble loudly enough to wake Ty, Jonathan put on his jacket and slid on a pair of shoes to carry her out the back door and buy Ty a few more minutes of sleep.

He hesitated on the threshold before deciding for certain they were both dressed for the weather, but it really was comfortable for him in just sweats and a T-shirt under his undone jacket, and Isabel was snug in her pajamas—the gray ones with pink llamas that Ty had picked out for her the week before.

Jonathan poked her round thighs through the pajamas, counting llamas and making her laugh, and was laughing back when he saw someone out of the corner of his eye and stopped cold.

Jerking his head toward the garden fence that ran between his property and the neighboring yard, for a long moment he could only stare while Isabel wriggled obliviously in his arms. Then Jonathan tucked her back up against his shoulder and finally found his voice. "Natalie?"

He'd recognize her anywhere, even with her hair cropped shorter than he'd ever seen it and wearing worn-out gym clothes. Her eyes, which were fixed on him, and the shape of her face, were unmistakable.

Still, he thought he might be imagining her until she leaned her elbows against the fence and spoke. "Hi, Jonathan."

He had been so angry with her—but mostly just worried. He had an idea of how Ty must have felt last night the moment he realized Sam was safe. First, knee-weakening relief—then, a flare of outrage, because how dare she have disappeared in the first place?

"Where have you been?"

Natalie swallowed, fidgeting with the drawstrings on her hoodie a moment before answering. She stole a glance at their daughter, bundled in his arms. "I never went far."

Jonathan wanted to stay angry. That felt safer, and far simpler, than the other emotions competing in his mind. "You left," he said flatly. "I had no idea where you were. Isabel has no idea who you are," he added coldly.

She winced, and internally, Jonathan was reeling from his own words, too, but he didn't take them back. "I don't expect you to forgive me for the unforgivable," Natalie murmured. "But I hope we can move past it."

Jonathan wasn't sure what she meant at first. "Move past it to... what?" he asked cautiously.

"I don't mean that we'd get back together," she hurried to say, and Jonathan nodded, relieved. Natalie’s grimace was both unflattering and reassuring. "Our marriage was wrong for us both." She looked at her feet. "I know you and Isabel have been happy without me. I'm glad. But I want to be a part of her life, too."

A thousand conflicting thoughts and desires raged in Jonathan's head, from the urge to demand why Natalie thought she deserved to be trusted with the baby, given everything, to immense relief that, at least in theory, she didn't object to Jonathan moving on. Because he had. Thoroughly. If he'd ever loved Natalie the way he should have loved a spouse, the time had passed long before they brought Isabel home.

Natalie had wanted a baby desperately, and Jonathan had gone along because he thought it would make her happier. He hadn’t known how hard it would be. He remembered the terror he'd felt, realizing a tiny being that he didn't understand depended on him. Recognizing how fragile Isabel was. The helpless dread those first nights and days when she cried and he couldn't figure out why. 

But Jonathan had also connected to his under-developed parental feelings more easily than Natalie. That was obvious from the beginning, when Natalie had been almost too panicked to so much as pick Isabel up, and had obsessed for a half-hour over getting bottles to the exact ideal temperature, only to dump the entire contents down the sink because she wasn’t sure she’d used the right ratio of powder to water in the first place.

Jonathan hadn't been the only one overwhelmed by bringing Isabel home, but Natalie had been in a more fragile state when it happened.

"It's a couple more months before the adoption will be finalized," Natalie went on, her voice quiet but steady. "Between now and then, I'm hoping to prove to you that I deserve to be the other name on all the documents. But if you don't feel that way by then, I won't fight you."

Her surrender took the last of the fight out of Jonathan. He hadn’t let himself think too hard about what could happen if he had to show up for the adoption hearing alone, but her words lifted a huge burden from his shoulders. "Okay."

Natalie’s eyes widened. "Really?"

Jonathan nodded. He bit the inside of his cheek. "Would you like to hold her now?"

Hesitating only a second, Natalie looked assessingly at the fence, and then climbed over it as nimbly as a monkey. When she and Jonathan stood on the same side, she walked up to him slowly, and just as slowly, he held the baby to her.

Natalie took her carefully. Jonathan was prepared to coach her on where to put her hands, but she picked Isabel up with the slow deliberation of someone doing for the first time something they've carefully observed enough times to understand the steps. He'd forgotten how small she was, so petite that she made Ty seem burly in comparison.

At the thought of Ty, Jonathan stole a glance back at the house, as though he'd somehow know whether Ty remained asleep inside.

They'd formed a happy little bubble, him, Ty, and Isabel—but it had already popped the night before at the reminder that Jonathan and Isabel weren't the only important people in Ty's life. Jonathan could understand that. He only hoped Ty could understand about Natalie as well.

Natalie settled down to sit on the step, murmuring nonsense words to Isabel. Jonathan crouched beside them. He knew he was hovering, but he couldn't help it. An irrational part of him imagined that if he let Natalie out of reach or sight, she'd vanish again, and take Isabel with her.  

"I think she's very wise," Natalie said after a moment, pulling the forefinger that Isabel held in her fist slowly left and right, which Isabel made Isabel grunt excitedly and yank back, like they were arm wrestling. "If you look into her eyes, can't you see it? Like she knows the history of the universe. Do you think all babies are like that?"

Natalie's words gave Jonathan a glimpse of the passionate young artist he'd married, and he smiled. "No. I think this particular baby is spectacular, and all other babies are dull and ordinary."

Natalie flashed him a grin that transformed her pale face and the shadows beneath her eyes to temporary radiance. "Me too."

After a few more minutes, Jonathan heard the distinct, if faint, sound of a door opening and closing inside the house, and stiffened.

He didn't know if Natalie heard it, too, or if she did, what she might make of evidence that he had a guest inside.. Maybe it was only coincidence that she chose that moment to smile at him and roll her shoulders. "I'd better let you get back to your morning." She slid her hands under Isabel's arms and passed her to him. When he took the baby, Natalie gently squeezed her legs with both hands, surprising Jonathan—the double-leg-squeeze, as Ty called it, was one of Isabel's favorite things, and sure enough, she giggled and kicked her legs wildly as Natalie released her. Natalie must have done it out of instinct. Jonathan himself had learned it from Ty.

"Okay. We'll... be in touch, right?"

Natalie gave him a lopsided smile as she walked sideways down the steps and back toward the fence. "Yeah. And I won't be far away until then." She hesitated a second, her smile turning the slightest bit sly. "Tell Ty that Shay says hello."