Also, my six-year-old thinks I'm heterophobic.

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hey.

So, if you've been here a while, you know I have two sons, and they are the joy and terror of my life. The Little One was born two years and one day after the Big One.

Equal treatment is not only expected by my kids, but strictly enforced with reminders and occasional, outright shaming.

When the Big One began pre-K, I was re-introduced to that half-teasing question some adults ask little kids, and that really gets under my skin. Do you have a girlfriend yet?

Yeah. That question. If you have had young children in your life, or if you remember being a young child yourself, then you probably remember it too. When I overhear, I make a point of saying that they're too young for significant others, and change the subject. We're at the point now that when some older relative leans down and asks The Question of the Big One in that singsong voice, he instantly looks at me and we both have to fight not to burst out laughing.

Last summer, while the Big One was at a week-long day camp, one of the other kids declared that she had a crush on him. Their friends got invested in some kind of strange six-year-old matchmaking effort, which culminated with the whole group chanting for them to kiss.

When I learned about this, I may have overreacted. Just a bit. I'm not sure; it's a blur.

So, suffice to say, I have Known Feelings and Rules that the Big One has witnessed, but I haven't had occasion to review with the Little One.

Or I hadn't, until last week.

After I picked up the Big One from his elementary school and then the Little One from pre-K, the Little One casually revealed that today, he and his friend Henry pretended to be husbands, and kissed.

I could practically hear the Big One's head whip around in the Little One's direction. "On the mouth?" he demanded incredulously.

The Little One confirmed that the kiss involved faces, though he wasn't entirely sure whether Henry had in fact kissed his mouth, cheek, or a little of both.

The Big One hissed, "Mommy is going to have to have a talk with your teacher."

"Well," I hedged.

Now, the Big One whipped his head in my direction, (understandably) dismayed that I had raised hell over an almost-kiss at his camp and was going to shrug off an actual, probably-on-the-mouth kiss.

I asked the Big One to take a breather while I explained to the Little One that kissing friends on the face is not something he should be doing at all, and definitely not during a pandemic, and confirming that nothing that happened with his friend had made him feel uncomfortable or upset. When I thought the Little One and I were on the same basic page, I noticed the Big One looking out the window with a thoughtful expression.

"What is it, buddy?" I asked.

He looked over at me and shrugged. "I guess it's just different when the friend you kiss is a boy, right, Mommy?"

I had no idea what to say, and while I searched for words, the subject in the backseat abruptly got changed and the Big One seemed to forget he'd asked me a question.

Later, after I'd gathered my thoughts, we reconvened the conversation so that I could make it clear that the no-kissing-people's-faces rule applies to all genders.

But the Big One had a point about the two situations feeling different to me.

When I realized why, a few tears came to my eyes.

Because how great is it that it felt natural to my four-year-old son and his friend to pretend to be husbands?

10 Days of Cowboy Christmas

10 Days of Cowboy Christmas

Don't forget to sign up to get ten FREE, full-length mm cowboy romances! Starting Christmas Day, December 25, and continuing until January 5, you'll get an exclusive email sharing a book on ten of those days. And you'll be introduced to ten amazing authors as they each share their books. Sign up right here with your email address, which will only be used to share the books during the event.

Kindle Unlimited

Just a reminder that my books are going to be enrolled in Kindle Unlimited over the next week or so. The program requires that ebooks be published only on Amazon, which means I'll be taking them down from the other stores.

Most of you read my books on Amazon, so this won't affect their availability for you, but for those of you who have found my work on other platforms, like Apple, Kobo, and Barnes and Noble, now might be the time to grab them.

This change will affect ebooks only. If you're reading me in paperback, you can still find your hard copies in all the same places or request them at your library.

To ensure that all my existing readers can continue to get my books, even if they don't use Amazon, I will be offering my new releases a few days early on my Payhip store, beginning with As the Tallgrass Grows. Then, they will release on Amazon where they'll be exclusively available. Payhip integrates with BookFunnel and enables you to download the correct version for your e-reader of choice, plus it will walk you through the "side loading" process so that the book will look and feel just as it would if you'd gotten it from your usual retailer.

What I'm reading

I just finished a few great books--The Night Of, by Tal Bauer, being one of them. And now I'm finishing Booklover by J.E. Birk on my Kindle, while I have Subtle Blood by KJ Charles enchanting me on Audible.

Often when I finish a book draft, I have a strong urge to go on a reading binge, and that's certainly true this time. Maybe because I've finished two drafts over the past week or so?

What I'm writing

You heard that right! I finished my drafts of Night and Day as well as As the Tallgrass Grows. (To apply for an ARC, click here.)

Chapter 20 of Night and Day, the one with "the end," is at the bottom of this email! If you've been waiting for all the chapters to become available before you begin reading, your time has come. I will be removing the chapters from the website in order to publish the book, so don't wait too long to check out the story if you want to read it for free.

I hope you're having an amazing week.

xo,

Rachel

find me in more places

Website | Rachel's Party Barn on Facebook | Instagram | Discord

my books

Long Winter | Signs of Spring | Burning Season | As the Tallgrass Grows

Jaywalking | Sleepwalker

***

NIGHT & DAY

Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six | Chapter Seven | Chapter Eight | Chapter Nine | Chapter Ten | Chapter Eleven | Chapter Twelve | Chapter Thirteen | Chapter Fourteen | Chapter Fifteen | Chapter Sixteen | Chapter Seventeen | Chapter Eighteen | Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Four months later

Ty liked watching Jonathan get dressed in the mornings. There was something indescribably sexy about seeing the body that had been surrendered to Ty to touch and look at all night long slowly transformed by Jonathan's beautiful and conservative clothes.

Today, though, looking at Jonathan was stressing Ty out.

He frowned down at his own outfit—the button-down shirt, khakis, and shoes he'd bought the day before. What had he expected? Of course clothes that had looked fine in the department store mirror would just seem rumpled and slightly ill-fitting when compared directly to Jonathan in one of his bespoke suits.

"What's the matter?" Jonathan asked, turning his head away from the other full-length mirror inside the walk-in closet. A closet where he'd generously cleared space for Ty, and which Ty had been pathetically unable to fill.

"Um, I just..." Ty trailed off. He didn't want to complain about his clothing for at least two reasons. One, he'd spent more on this shit, which he didn't particularly like, than he ever had any clothes in his life, and bitching about it was only going to make the expense more painful. Two, he'd told Jonathan he didn't want Jonathan buying him clothes. All during one of the frank conversations they'd had about money after Ty moved in as a boyfriend, not a nanny. 

And he didn’t want Jonathan buying him clothes. He really didn’t care what he wore. Or he hadn’t cared, until right now. 

He tugged at the collar of the shirt. "I don't really feel like myself."

Jonathan's expression softened. He crossed the closet to Ty’s small collection of folded and stacked jeans and T-shirts, and pulled out one of each. The casual clothes were new-ish, too. Before Ty’s first week of classes, his sisters had insisted on taking him shopping, so that in Danielle's words he wouldn’t look ‘homeless' around his new classmates.

"Put these on," Jonathan said quietly, holding out the clothes.

Going on the defensive, Ty narrowed his eyes. "What's wrong with what I have on?"

Jonathan gave him a once-over, his eyes lingering where the pants clung a little too tightly mid-thigh, and his expression turned flatteringly smoldering. But though Ty appreciated the ego boost, Jonathan would probably look at him that way if he wore a potato sack.

"Nothing," Jonathan said eventually, eyes back on Ty's face. He stepped closer so the proffered clothing brushed Ty's chest. "But it isn't you."

Ty took the clothes and looked down at the denim and printed cotton, then up at Jonathan’s silk-blend and wool. 

"But we're going to court," he protested, but half-heartedly. He longed to put on clothes that didn't feel like an itchy costume. And though the things Jonathan had chosen were casual, Ty knew they also looked good on him.

Jonathan shrugged. "So? The only requirements in the courthouse are shoes and a shirt, last I checked."

Ty's lips twitched. "No pants?"

"I think the pants are implied," Jonathan quipped back.

“What if the judge takes one look at me in jeans and a T-shirt, demands to know who I am, and then you have to tell the whole, sordid story?”

Jonathan’s brows rose high. “I love telling our sordid story.” But when Ty just looked at him, nonplussed, he smiled and shook his head. “This hearing is a formality. Isabel’s biological parents signed everything before they left the hospital. It’s just a quirk of state law that we had to have Isabel with us for at least six months before the judge can make it official.”

Ty knew all of this. He nodded, and then chewed on his lower lip before admitting, "I don't want to embarrass you."

Jonathan's eyes widened, then narrowed. His fingers went to the collar of Ty's shirt, and began unbuttoning. Ty sighed, but didn't fight him, just shucked the khakis and blushed when the tag in the back that he'd carefully concealed was revealed. Jonathan raised an eyebrow, then snorted when he discovered one in the back of the shirt he was sliding from Ty's shoulders too.

"Good," he said. "You can return them. Now," he added, giving the shirt in Ty's hand a pointed tug. Ty rolled his eyes but obediently put on the long-sleeved T-shirt and stepped into the jeans. He couldn't deny that he felt better immediately. 

Jonathan took him by the shoulders and stepped behind him as he turned him toward the mirror. "Now, tell me we don't look perfect together," Jonathan challenged, looking over Ty's head at their reflection.

Ty hesitantly looked over the picture they made in the frame of the tall mirror. Jonathan, beautiful and austere, his elegant fingers wrapped around Ty's shoulders, unconsciously possessive. Ty's T-shirt was clingy enough to emphasize how much smaller he was, and with the short sleeve, his tattoo was fully on display. The haircut Danielle had given him a couple of days ago combining into a carelessly cool look he couldn't deny.

They did look good together.

Jonathan must have seen his agreement on his face, because he flashed a full smile. "See?" He bent his head and kissed Ty's temple. "There's no reason to be anyone but who we are. Especially today."

Ty blinked rapidly as he put his right hand over Jonathan's and squeezed. "You're right," he managed. "Okay. We'd better get going."

Traffic was light. It was mid-morning on a Thursday, which meant most of the commuters had already made their way to work, leaving the streets relatively emptied. They made it to the courthouse early, and as they passed through security, Ty caught himself wondering if people thought that he and Jonathan were attorney and client.

He shoved the thoughts aside. As Jonathan was always reminding him—and as he'd emphasized today in front of the mirror—what other people thought didn’t matter.. He easily distracted himself by watching the way Jonathan's slacks pulled the slightest bit taut as he climbed the stairs ahead of Ty, flashing the shape of one cheek, then the other, like a very sexy game of peek-a-boo.

Okay, maybe Ty shouldn't stare at Jonathan's ass, either, unless he wanted a different kind of inappropriate thought in his head at an inopportune time.

No one was there yet except for Jonathan's colleague, Veronica, who was acting as his and Natalie's lawyer. Ty had met her once before, when he'd gone with Jonathan to drop off his divorce papers. 

"Good morning Jonathan. Ty," she said with a sunny smile. "Today's the big day! But you're early."

"We over-budgeted our travel time," Jonathan explained.

"Looks like you aren't the only ones," Veronica said, looking past them toward the stairs. "The gang's all here."

Natalie was coming up the stairs with Isabel on her hip and a diaper bag slung over her arm, cautiously taking one step at a time. Jonathan and Ty rushed to help her—Jonathan taking the bag, Ty eagerly taking the baby. Isabel was adorably outfitted in a pale blue dress, white leggings, and tiny, patent Mary Janes.

She made sounds of delight at Ty, then reached for Jonathan, too, who leaned in to kiss her, tipping his head at the last moment before one of her chubby fists could take hold of the ends of his hair.

"How was the drive?" he asked Natalie, and as they talked, Ty wandered a few steps away, he and Isabel exchanging serious looks.

"We should take a little time for the two of us," he murmured to her, "while we still can." He took her to the stained-glass window at the end of the hall and named the colors in the mosaic while she tentatively touched, then jerked her hand back, giggling.

"Are you excited?" he asked her, kissing her hair and inhaling her smell deep into his lungs. She'd only been with Natalie overnight, but every time they traded baby duty between the two townhomes, Ty was filled with equal parts relief and disappointment. Relief he and Jonathan would have the chance to get some rest, and disappointed that he'd have to go a day or more without Isabel's giggles and smiles. 

She turned her head toward him with solemn eyes, like she understood the question, then brushed her hand over his nose. He held still, and in a flash, she took the tip of his nose tightly in her hand and wrenched.

"Isabel!" Ty complained.

Laughter from behind him informed him that his protest, which emerged in a nasal tone, had had witnesses. His sisters were walking his way, which luckily distracted Isabel, who began waving her arms at them and let go of his face in the process.

"Give her to me," Emily demanded, holding out her arms. Ty relented so that he could rub his sore nose.

"She's devious," he said fondly.

Someone poked their head out of the double doors that Ty assumed lead to the courtroom.

"Ten-thirty adoption hearing?" they asked.

"That's us," Veronica confirmed, picking up her handbag.

"We can go ahead and start early, if everyone's here."

"Great," Veronica said, looking to Jonathan and Natalie for confirmation. They nodded, and Veronica headed into the courtroom.

Emily gave Isabel a final snuggle and handed her to Jonathan. Natalie bumped her shoulder against Ty's, and they shared a smile at the sight of Jonathan murmuring inaudibly to his daughter. 

"Let's do this," Natalie said, and let herself through the closed doors. Jonathan started to go after her, and Ty fell into step with his sisters. 

But as he and Isabel reached the doors to the courtroom, Jonathan paused and turned back with a slight frown. His eyes met Ty's, and he smiled and extended a hand.

Ty hesitated only a moment before striding forward to take it. Then he pushed the latch open for both of them, and they crossed the threshold hand-in-hand.