The Journal Circle

Monthly Reflection — What Is Your Reality?

Hi ,

This month, I want to invite you to slow down and look carefully at something we often assume we understand: reality itself.

Not reality as it actually is — but reality as we experience it.

Most of our stress, frustration, and self-criticism doesn’t come from events alone. It comes from the stories we tell ourselves about those events. And many of those stories run automatically, quietly shaping how we feel and act.

This month’s theme is a simple but powerful question:

What is your reality — and how much of it is interpretation?

The Lens for the Month: Two Common Cognitive Distortions

Psychologists use the term cognitive distortions to describe predictable thinking patterns that skew how we interpret reality. They aren’t character flaws. They’re shortcuts the brain takes under pressure.

We’re focusing on two this month.

1. Mind-Reading

Mind-reading is the habit of assuming you know what someone else is thinking, feeling, or intending — without direct evidence.

Examples:

• “They didn’t reply because they’re annoyed with me.”
• “She thinks I’m incompetent.”
• “Everyone noticed how awkward that was.”

Research shows that mind-reading increases anxiety and interpersonal conflict because we react to assumptions, not facts. Once the brain fills in the blank, the body responds as if it were true.

2. “Should” Statements (and Counterfactual Thinking)

This distortion shows up as:

• “I should have known better.”
• “I would have done it differently if…”
• “I shouldn’t feel this way.”

In cognitive behavioral psychology, these are called “should statements.” They often overlap with counterfactual thinking — mentally replaying the past with imagined alternatives.

While reflection can be healthy, repeated “should have / would have” thinking tends to increase guilt, shame, and rumination — without improving future decisions. You’re judging past choices using information and clarity you didn’t have at the time.

In short: you’re grading yesterday with today’s answers.

Guided Journal Prompts

Set aside 10–15 minutes. Write honestly. No fixing, no editing.

1. Describe a recent situation that felt emotionally charged. What are the raw facts — without interpretation?
2. What assumptions are you making about what others thought, felt, or intended in this situation?
3. Where do “should have” or “would have” statements show up in your thinking about this event?
4. What information did you not have at the time you made your decision or reacted the way you did?
5. If you separated facts from interpretation, how might your view of this situation change — even slightly?

The Challenge for the Month

Write 12 times this month.

Short entries count. Messy entries count.

At the end of the month, review your writing and circle:

• Instances of mind-reading
• Instances of “should have” / “would have” language

Don’t correct them. Don’t judge them.

Just notice.

Awareness is the work.

You’ll be surprised how often your distress comes not from reality — but from the story layered on top of it.

A Gentle Reminder

This isn’t about positive thinking. It’s not about silencing your inner voice. It’s about seeing clearly — and treating yourself with the same fairness you’d offer someone you care about.

Progress over perfection still applies here. You don’t need to write well. You just need to write honestly.

I’m glad you’re here. As always, hit reply and let me know what works, what doesn't work for you.

I’ll meet you again next month.

— Scott

P.S.  If you enjoy having a slip of paper as your bookmark, this is and easy “print and fold” tool I use as a habit tracker. https://penandjournal.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Quick-Journal-Guide-Insert.pdf