Hey ,

I am not sure about you, but I have never been to therapy. It’s not because I am against it or feel it’s not effective. Not at all. I have literally just never gone.

But part of me has always felt like I’d benefit tremendously from it. Maybe someday. 

Thankfully, though, I discovered a book that was pretty therapeutic for me. The insights in the book felt so relatable and very practical, and the more I read it, the more I kept wondering, “Why has no one told me this before?”

Now this may come as a shock to you, but that happened to also be the name of the book: “Why has no one told me this before?” by Dr. Julie Smith. 

This book is definitely not a replacement for therapy. Instead, it is a book filled with practical insights for everyday life.

I am not yet done with it, but I’d like to share an amazing discovery I made from the book. 

There was a certain chapter of the book that talks about several cognitive biases a lot of us hold onto that affect our mental health more than we think.

Let’s look at them and how to fix them:

a. Mind Reading

This is when we think we know what others are thinking without any concrete evidence.

For instance, when a friend doesn't respond to your message immediately, you might think they don't care about you, or when a family member walks past you without saying hello, you might think they are mad at you.

Solution:

Try to give people the benefit of the doubt or ask what is bothering them. There’s often more to their behaviour than what you think they are thinking. 

b. Overgeneralization

This is when you make a broad, negative assumption about something based on a single event.

For example, if you fail at something, you might say to yourself, "I am a total failure," or if you believe that one rejection means you'll never succeed.

Solution:

Challenge these thoughts by looking at the bigger picture and considering all the times you have succeeded or done well in the past. Besides, one setback or incident does not define your worth or abilities.

c. Egocentric Thinking

This is when we struggle to accept that other people might have different beliefs, thoughts, or feelings than us.

For example, you get mad at a friend because they don't wish you a happy birthday when you always wish them, or you get upset because they did not notice your new haircut when you always notice theirs.

Solution:

Practice empathy and try to see situations from the perspective of others.

Everyone has their own perspectives and life experiences that shape their values and behaviours.

It's important to communicate openly and express how you feel instead of judging behaviour.

d. Emotional Reasoning

Emotional reasoning is when we believe something to be true solely based on our emotions. 

For example, if we feel like a situation is hopeless, we might convince ourselves that it truly is.

Solution:

Try to keep your emotions separate from the facts, and make sure to gather evidence to support your emotions before making any conclusions. 

Remember, emotions are valid, but they don't always reflect the truth of a situation.

e. Mental Filters

Mental filtering is a common cognitive bias where individuals tend to focus more on the negatives and disregard the positives in a situation.

For example, you only pay attention to that one bad comment on your last post while ignoring all the hundreds of good ones.

Solution:

One effective way to combat mental filtering is through practicing gratitude. 

By consciously acknowledging and appreciating the positive aspects of your life, you can shift your perspective away from the negative filter.

f. "Musts" and "Shoulds"

This means holding onto unrealistic expectations of ourselves.

We often impose strict rules and standards on ourselves, believing that we must do certain things or that we should be a certain way

For instance, telling yourself, "I must always get A's" or “I should never make mistakes," can cause unnecessary stress and self-criticism.

Solution:

Practice self-compassion and challenge these rigid beliefs. 

Instead of thinking in terms of "musts" and "shoulds," try to reframe your thoughts to focus on what you can realistically achieve and what aligns with your values and priorities

f. All or Nothing Thinking

All-or-nothing thinking happens when you see things as either good or bad. If something is not perfect, you think it is a total failure.

For example, if you planned to finish a task in two hours but it took you longer, you might feel like you failed completely.

Solution:

Life is rarely black and white; there are usually shades of grey in between.

Instead of seeing things as all or nothing, it will be better to at least appreciate the efforts.

It is not always a matter of life or death, you know.

✍️ A QUOTE TO REFLECT ON:

"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." - George Bernard Shaw

On the journey of life, we are not on a quest to discover a pre-defined version of ourselves.

Instead, we have the incredible opportunity to sculpt and mould our own identities, like artists shaping clay.

Every experience, every choice, and every moment contribute to the masterpiece that is our unique selves.

Embrace this power and acknowledge that the beauty of life lies in the endless possibilities of self-creation.

🤔 A QUESTION WORTH CONSIDERING: 

What cognitive bias do you need to work to overcome?

That's all, folks. I can't wait to hear what you think. Which one did you like the most? What would you like to have more or less of? Simply reply to this email. 

Have a wonderful week!

I appreciate you taking the time and trusting me with it.

Have a wonderful week!

Nurain.

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