Kia Ora...

This week my brother flew into for a quick visit bringing his wife and my brand new nephew with him. It was the first time I'd gotten the chance to meet my sister-in-law as they got married in Australia during Covid... and my nephew was only born at the beginning of the year. It was great to catch up with him especially when we realised it had been nine years since we'd last done so... sometimes living in different countries isn't that great.

Updates

Naomi Aoki

• Devotion is still off being proofread. The paperback covers have all been done, well, Devotion's still needs a blurb. Will load up the pb versions of Deception and Deviation this week,
• Considering knocking out a 4k FF Yakuza short to submit to an anthology. It will be sample/taster of an eventual FF Yakuza Trilogy that I want to write.

Mandy Greenwood

• I'm halfway through the rewrite of A Baby for Albie (Silverdale City 2). Forgot how angsty this book was... might've nearly cried while reading over it.

MJ Green

• Have completed the first chapter of Love Unpicked (House of Bolton 6) and might need to flesh out the Tomasi Family tree a bit more as I need a few more secondary characters for this book who are under the age of 18.
• Have also been adding more words to Defrocked (House of Bolton Novella) and are starting to organise the random scenes I've jotted down so far into some kind of order. This book might not make it into the anthology it was intended for which means I need to come with another polyamory relationship... such a hardship. It's not like there's a shortage of family members to choose from.

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Chapter Twelve

“Are you sure about this?” Hunter asked him as Mike released a shaky sigh. The third one since he’d sat down in the private box overlooking the stadium grounds.

“Yes… No… Maybe, not really.” He leaned back in his seat and scrubbed at his jaw with trembling hands, glad of the privacy that the box afforded him. “But don’t worry… I don’t plan to leave before the ninth innings.”

Hunter looked curiously at him before giving him a sharp nod of the head. Whatever he’d seen in Mike’s tense expression it had obviously been enough to convince his friend that Mike had told the truth.

Another sigh escaped Mike’s lips, this time because of relief and not anxiety as Hunter turned his attention back to the baseball field where the Switch Hitters were already warming up. Mike hadn’t lied about staying until the end of the ninth innings, but that didn’t mean a part of him still didn’t want to bolt and put this world he’d once been a part of far behind him. Yet another part of him still itched to be out there on the field crouched behind homeplate waiting to receive Jordan’s pitches… a desire that clawed at his skin while the ache in his knee reminded him why it wasn’t’ possible. But despite the chaotic emotions surging through his veins, Mike realised he felt calmer sitting here compared to last time.

Mike turned his attention from his former teammates practicing in the outfield to the bullpen near the dugout where Jordan had started warming up with Ito. He hummed in agreement at the head coach’s decision to pair Jordan and Ito up for this game, the first one since Jordan had been benched due to an injury to his shoulder. It wasn’t only the former pitching coach’s lack of care for his players that had led to his husband’s near season ending injury, but also the fact he’d been paired with younger, inexperienced catchers who couldn’t identify when something wasn’t right. Mike wasn’t going to rely entirely upon Ito’s observations to work out what was wrong with Jordan’s pitching action, planning to watch each pitch his husband threw carefully.

Watching Jordan warm up on the far side of the field didn’t provide Mike with the answers that he wanted. However, he didn’t need to wait long for a better opportunity as the Switch Hitters took the field and Jordan strode toward the mound. He grinned at the roar that went up from the home crowd as Jordan walked onto the field—the intense sound one that drove away the nerves and flooded the body with adrenaline… a high like no other and Mike wasn’t sure how he could ever replace it. But he would. Somehow.

Jordan stared up at the box, a bright smile stretched across his face—the same one Mike had seen from behind homeplate—as he raised his hand and waved. Mike couldn’t help himself and waved back even though he knew Jordan couldn’t see it… but the press lurking in the stands couldn’t see him either which brought its own sweet satisfaction. They’d been media darlings before his injury with not a weekend passing by without a picture of them gracing the society pages along with the sports section. Some photos and articles written had been flattering, supportive, and respectful, while others had only sought to speculate how long it would take for their marriage to crumble—a bad day on the field must mean there was trouble at home… questions that were never asked of their female-dating teammates.

It had annoyed him then and angered him later when Mike had seen the hatchet job the media had tried to do when their marriage had fallen apart. Not that Mike had done anything to help the situation by disappearing from the city in the aftermath of his injury. But unlike what was reported in the media, none of it had been Jordan’s fault… another reason why Mike was surprised that Jordan still wanted him back.

“So… things are good between you two?”

Mike gave a wry laugh. “Better, but not fixed. We’ve still got a lot of work to do… a lot of issues that need to be worked through… Not to mention the whole baseball thing.”

“Good. That’s good,” Hunter said.

Mike wrung his hands together, appreciating how lucky he was to get this second chance with Jordan, and that Hunter still trusted Mike with his little brother’s heart. He was determined to work hard at fixing everything he’d broken and prove that his best mate’s trust wasn’t misplaced. But there was still no guarantees that his and Jordan’s relationship would recover from everything that Mike had done to it.

Dinner tonight would be a start.

Maybe.

Shaking off the melancholic thoughts that plagued his brain like birds of prey flying high above a carcass waiting for the right moment to swoop in, Mike refocused his attention on Jordan.

When he’d returned to the city, Mike had been determined to avoid Jordan, baseball, anything really that reminded him of the life Mike could no longer live. Tried to deny that his heart still belonged to Jordan, but it was a denial that had become harder to keep up the longer he’d spent talking with his husband. Baseball might be gone, however that didn’t mean Jordan had disappeared along with it.

Dinner tonight would be a step in the right direction even though the prospect of sitting in a crowded restaurant terrified Mike. He didn’t want to be noticed by their fans… didn’t want to deal with people asking invasive questions about his career, their words of pity, or their unqualified opinions on his and Jordan’s relationship. Mike didn’t want to hear the comments whispered behind their backs that were never pleasant…judgements on his he lived his life and his sexuality. They’d been hard enough to ignore when he’d still been playing, and it would shatter Mike if he heard them now.

He didn’t want negativity ruling his life anymore.

Didn’t want the niggling doubts that had once lingered in his mind to win and pave the way for larger insecurities that Mike had worked so hard to banish.

But Mike knew he could trust Jordan.

Trust that his husband would choose a dinner setting that was right for both of them.

Trusted that Jordan wanted Mike in his life despite the voices clamouring in his head trying to argue otherwise.

Trusted that Jordan wanted the man Mike was now, not the catcher he’d once been.

Jordan wouldn’t walk away from Mike if he chose not to pursue a career in baseball.

And Mike was done running too… done denying himself what he wanted.

A smile broke over his face as the resolution to fix their broken marriage and the lines of communication that Mike had destroyed took root. One that remained glued to his face for the entire nine innings, and only fading a little when Jordan was pulled from the mound during the sixth inning.

*

Mike didn’t remember much of the game. Nine innings completed before the panic humming in his veins had a chance to overwhelm him. But what he did notice was that for the entire time Jordan was pitching—all six innings—there’d been no sign of the supposed issue with his husband’s pitching action. It annoyed Mike that Jordan had gone so far as to conjure up an issue to force Mike into a coaching role, and yet relief flooded him as well realising that Jordan wasn’t carrying another injury.

Exhaustion struck him hard at the end of the game. All the energy Mike had had at the start of the game drained away like he’d been the one to spend six innings on the field and not watching it from the comfortable position of a box. He knew it was a side effect of the nervous tension that had plagued Mike from the very first innings. Fighting the anxiety and jealousy that came with watching the game instead of being down there amongst like Mike wanted…it taxed him physically and mentally.

But he’d been determined to stick it out for the entire game.

Because Jordan and Hunter were right… Mike still loved baseball.

Sadness at not being able to play still lingered, and it probably always would, but he refused to let those insecurities and doubts take control of his life any longer.

Dinner though…Mike still wasn’t sure he could manage that except he didn’t want to disappoint Jordan either. Mike had done enough of that over the last two years.

******

Tokyo Nights Trilogy

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