Kia Ora...

Christmas is almost upon us... and that's a scary thought because in just over two weeks I'll be heading down the other end of New Zealand...permanently. Travelling is stressful enough at the best of times, but when I've also got to pack up my entire house and get it ready for sale...that stress is quickly multiplying. That's not to say that I haven't got a lot of it already packed up, except despite how many boxes get packed, there is always more stuff waiting to be sorted through...and then there's all the things I still need to organise... yeah, panicking a little and doing it on my own kind of sucks.

But the shift will be worth it in the end.

Updates

Mandy Greenwood

• I have finalised the print covers of The Moutrams series... now to get it uploaded and then hit the publish button.

MJ Green

• Until Death (House of Bolton Prequel) is currently with my proofreader. With Xmas and shifting I won't hit publish on this until the first week of January-ish. Currently I'm working on the bonus Epilogue short story that will bridge the time gap between the Prequel and Book One.

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Until Death (House of Bolton Prequel)

Chapter Five

“Hello?” Mike answered his phone groggily. He wasn’t sure what the time was, but that didn’t stop him from being annoyed at being woken, not when sleep was a precious commodity right now.

“Fuck, Mike… you know what? I’m not even going to ask why it sounds like I woke you when it’s almost midday,” a familiar voice sighed, one Mike hadn’t heard for a long time.

“Jordan? Why are you calling me?” Mike managed to force the words out despite the myriad of emotions choking him. Love, hope, fear, and shame…two of them he was allowed to feel, and the other two he didn’t deserve to experience at all. “And how did you get this number?” Not sure if laughing or crying was the appropriate response to the situation…maybe some fucked up version of both.

Mike straightened up and winced at the stiffness of his back. Sleep might’ve been a friend for the last few nights, but that didn’t mean it was any less fickle. Falling into bed and sleeping still wasn’t happening leaving him to instead crash out on the couch in front of the tv. He scrubbed at his face, still not entirely convinced this wasn’t some fucked up dream. “Hunter.”

Of course, Hunter would’ve passed on Mike’s new number to Jordan. Stupid to think otherwise when Hunter knew Mike wouldn’t make that first move. But then again, he’d not intended to reach out to Jordan at all, not believing that a reconciliation between them was possible at all. Mike might be willing to accept that he’d not handled his impromptu retirement well—still wasn’t—and had made decisions a part of him would forever regret… but that didn’t mean it was in Jordan’s best interests to take him back.

Switch Hitters starting pitcher reconciles with husband, the now broken, former Switch Hitters starting catcher.

Yeah… they weren’t headlines Mike imagined the PR department at the Switch Hitters wanted to deal with.

Mike huffed and scrubbed at his face until the hope that flickered in his heart was reminded of it’s rightful place…nowhere in the reality he lived in. “Shouldn’t you be at training?” he queried, trying to pretend that he wasn’t aware Jordan had been placed on the Injury List because of his shoulder and that his training schedule would’ve changed. And it wasn’t as though talking about baseball was any easier than watching it, however, Mike would rather deal with that awkwardness than deal with any conversation that might drift toward their catastrophe of a marriage.

“I’m down at the practice grounds… and bored out of my bleedin’ skull,” Jordan whined. “They won’t let me do anything.”

Mike chuckled as he listened to Jordan rattle off his list of complaints regarding his new training regime. It was a relief to know that nothing had changed during his absence…that Jordan’s insatiable need to be in the bullpen pitching hadn’t been destroyed by the way Mike had disappeared from his life.

Made him sad too.

Another reminder of how replaceable he was. Worthless as a broken man to his husband, the star pitcher for the team.

“There is more to training, Jordan, then spending hours in the bullpen pitching balls. Go for a run… or follow whatever programme the trainers have suggested you do.”

Jordan grumbled more at the idea of running. The low muttered curses that were falling freely from the pitcher’s lips had Mike wondering where abouts in the stadium Jordan was hiding to make the call.

“Where are you, anyway? I can’t imagine Coach will be too pleased with you skiving off.”

“Nah…” Jordan said with a smile in his voice. “I’d simply had the phone over to him… tell him it was you on the other end, because I’d bet Coach would love to offer you the job of Pitching Coach now that it’s opened up.”

“No. No, I don’t think… that wouldn’t be wise… I don’t think I can do that…” His words falling out in a shambled arrangement of consonants and vowels as panic grabbed a hold of each one.

Jordan sighed, the smile that had echoed through his voice replaced with one of despair and Mike hated that he’d put it there, but… walking into the bullpen wasn’t an option. Not now. Maybe not ever.

“Look Mike… you should seriously think about taking the job. You’d be perfect for it. You’re already acquainted with the facilities here… know all the pitchers on the team and the catchers… and more importantly Mike, they all trust you.”

Jordan’s unwavering confidence in his abilities pleased Mike to hear…heartbreaking too. Mike didn’t believe he deserved the praise or the trust his former teammates still had in him. Because when it came down to it… Mike hadn’t trusted them enough to support him while his world collapsed around him. And yeah, he knew that wasn’t exactly it…spent enough time in the therapists office to understand where those doubts had come from…but it didn’t change the determined existence of those thoughts.

“Jordan… it isn’t that easy. There’s everything between us—”

“Don’t you dare use that as an excuse, Mike!” Jordan snapped. “Our marriage might be a mess of catastrophic proportions that needs to be untangled…that I want to untangle.” Desperation and anger flooded his voice. “This is the job you were always supposed to slide into once you retired from the time…and yeah, it happened a few years earlier than you wanted, and in way you’d never expected, but the job should still be yours.”

“Even ignoring that… it still isn’t that easy.” His body trembled at the mere thought of stepping back into that stadium…of walking through the player’s entrance and striding into the practice facilities again and it wasn’t caused by excitement. “I just can’t do it, Jordan. I’m sorry…but I just can’t.”

“You won’t know if you don’t try,” Jordan hissed.

“You can’t make demands of me like that, Jordan,” Mike snapped, leaning heavily on the anger flooding his body to push the panic that wanted to run free aside. “Not like that. Not when you don’t understand a damn thing about what I went through…what I’m still going through.”

Jordan barked out a laugh, one shot through with anger and derision. “And I wonder why that is? You’re the one who fucking shut me out…and then walked out the door with nothing more than a shitty note for goodbye.” He drew in a deep breath and released it with a barely muffled sob. “I wanted to be there for you. I wanted to understand your pain…your grief.”

“Then sign the damn divorce papers and forget about me! Because I don’t understand why you’re calling me…why you’d want to?”

Mike pinched the bridge of his nose and grimaced. He should’ve been grateful that Jordan had reached out to him, but instead it only made Mike feel angry…irrationally so.

Maybe it had been a mistake to return to Greertown believing that he and Jordan could move on from their marriage and settle into some sort of friendship for Hunter’s sake. He didn’t want to spend his time with Jordan rehashing his mistakes while knowing that no matter how he answered, it would be wrong. Knew that his husband refused to accept that their marriage was over and had been since the day Mike had chosen to walk out of their home and not look back.

Maybe he should’ve just stayed gone and pushed harder for Jordan to sign the divorce papers. Because whatever reality Jordan was clinging to, it wasn’t one Mike wanted a part of…didn’t believe he deserved to be a part of.

Jordan lived in a world that Mike no longer belonged in.

“It wasn’t to argue with you.” Jordan huffed. “But seriously… I think you should coach. Just because you can’t stand on the field as a player, doesn’t mean you still can’t be a part of the team. You only need to give yourself a chance, Mike.”

He swallowed hard and met Jordan’s words with silence. There wasn’t anything he could say to make Jordan understand why his time in the baseball was over.

“The Mike I knew wouldn’t have given up so easily,” Jordan spat out softly right as Mike ended the call.

*****

Bonus/Deleted Scenes from the Crime Lords Series, Flex (Golden Decks Casino 1), and the first three chapters of Switch Hitters 1.

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