Friday espresso: When Trust Is Felt, Not Taught
Feb 06, 2026 1:01 am
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When Trust Is Felt, Not Taught
We talk about trust often — in leadership programs, strategy sessions, and organisational values.
But the moments that stay with me aren’t the ones where trust is discussed, nor planned as learning for participants, but, something happened between client and I.
These are the moments where trust is not a subject, but something I felt.
I was reminded of this deeply when we had the opportunity to work alongside Rudy Oretti and Isaac Chong, CHT, with the senior leadership team at Banyan Tree Kuala Lumpur.
As facilitators, we frequently speak about creating “safe spaces” — environments where people can show up fully, speak honestly, and engage without fear.
But, the reality is, trust begins long before anyone walks into the training room. It begins in the relationship between the client and us.
WHY Trust Comes Before Any Framework
Before any model, agenda, or methodology, there’s a quieter question in the room:
Do I feel safe enough to be real here?
1. Safety is something people sense, not something you announce
You can feel it when a room relaxes — shoulders drop, voices slow, people stop performing.
And you can feel it when it doesn’t happen.
No framework fixes that. People simply disengage, politely and silently.
2. Leaders respond to how they are met
The way we show up with leaders often becomes the template for how they show up with their teams.
When conversations feel open and respectful, that tone travels.
When there’s hesitation or guardedness, that does too.
3. Real outcomes need real conversations
The moments that matter most usually arrive unpolished.
They only surface when people trust that honesty won’t cost them something.
Without that, change stays technical — not personal, not lasting.
WHAT Trust Looked Like in Practice
Trust didn’t appear as a concept.
It showed up in how we worked together.
1. A relationship that felt human, not transactional
There was openness in the conversations, clarity in intent, and a shared focus on what truly mattered — not just how things would look on the surface.
2. Building something together, in real time
They didn’t enter the room with fixed answers.
They listened, adapted, and shaped the work alongside each other.
That sense of “we’re figuring this out together” changed the energy entirely.
3. Trust that lived outside the classroom
It wasn’t something we spoke about explicitly.
It showed up in small decisions, informal check-ins, and how we handled uncertainty together.
That’s where it became real.
HOW Trust Is Built — Intentionally, Quietly
Trust rarely comes from grand gestures.
More often, it grows from consistency.
1. Long before the first session
It begins in early conversations — how questions are asked, how context is respected, how carefully people are listened to.
By the time the work starts, trust has often already been formed.
2. Through clarity, not charisma
Being clear about intent, limits, and expectations removes unnecessary tension.
When people know where things stand, they settle.
That’s when meaningful work can begin.
3. By sharing responsibility for the outcome
When success isn’t “handed over” but genuinely shared, people lean in differently.
Ownership shifts.
And trust deepens, not because it was demanded — but because it made sense.
This collaboration reminded me why I do this work.
Not because of the frameworks.
Not because of the rooms we facilitate.
But because of the relationships we build.
To Banyan Tree — thank you for the trust, openness, and willingness to grow this together.
And to the many clients I’ve worked with over the past 30 years:
You’ve shown me what trust truly looks like in practice.
Not something we talk about.
But something we consciously build — together.
And that, more than anything, is what makes this work meaningful.
That is today's espresso.
Keep the momentum, every sip counts!
Stay caffeinated & curious!
Koo Lily
l Founder of mq Training Coaching Consulting l
Leadership Coach l Change Facilitator l Speaker l
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